Reviews. Ratings. Stories. The "Dick in the Popcorn" trick.

If it's about a movie...or going to a movie...or, Christ, even watching'll find it here in "Moog's Movie Reviews!"

Monday, December 22, 2008

Tropic Thunder - Robert Downey Jr. is Obama-ish!


That's pretty much all I can say about after this movie showed up from Netflix:

Tropic Thunder

I had high hopes for this one.

Jack Black.

Ben Stiller.

Robert Downey Jr
. made up as a black guy.

( it 'black guy' or 'African American'? Colored? Obama-ish? What can I call them these days without offending them? Um...actually...nevermind...I'm probably too late now.)

The plot is comprised of a bunch of movie actors trying to make a Vietnam war movie.

However, to make it more realistic, the director dumps them into the jungle which is, ironically, actually still full of enemy soldiers.

That, in a nutshell, is Tropic Thunder.

In the end, I was, like:


I laughed out loud quite a bit, I have to admit.

However, what surprised me was HOW FUCKING GROSS some of the scenes were. I mean, disturbingly, graphically, over-the-top nasty gross.

We're talking "Tonya Harding Porno" gross (click to be nastified...or don't, and save your sanity).


In the end, I have to say that I DID laugh...but was totally on the fence after watching this.

The saving grace of this entire movie is actually BEFORE the movie.

You get 'movie trailers'.

The kicker here is that they are "fake" movie trailers from each actor in Tropic Thunder...each one more hilarious than the one before it.

Robert Downey's is classic. Classic.

Then the movie starts.


My Score:/span>

1-1/2 Mooge Splats (Out of a possible four)

Now..excuse me...

I have to petition the movie studios to have them make that Robert Downey Jr. flick.

Looks awesome.

Moog out.


Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Hancock - HA! I Wrote 'cock!'

Today, I'm reviewing another item off my Netflix list:


I really thought I was going to hate this movie.

Will Smith plays "John Hancock" - not to be confused with "John Handcock" - which, according to the Urban Dictionary is:

a) A man who frequents prostitutes (John), but materbates on, or is masterbated by (handcock) the prostitute, rather than having sex with her, as a means of avoiding STDs.


b) The act of male masturbation whilst seated on a toilet. reviews and information about guys who whack off on the toilet.

Where else do you get this shit?

One stop shopping!

But I've digressed.

I really thought this was going to be a movie I didn't like.

However, just like my viewing of "I Am Legend," I expected the worst but was pleasantly surprised after watching it.

As far as the plot:

John Hancock is a superhero hated by the public.

This is because, primarily, he's a complete and utter asshole.

He drinks.

He destroys property.

He hates people and has total disregard for others.

Actually, John Hancock the superhero is much like most New York Yankees fans.


His one saving grace is the appearance of Jason Bateman and his wife played by Charlize Theron.

Awesome to see these two (Jason and Charlize) again - they last played boyfriend/girlfriend on "Arrested Development" - one of the absolute greatest shows on the face of the planet that nobody f*cking watched.


I have yet to see anything Jason Bateman is in where he isn't simply balls-out awesome (see: Juno).

Regardless...the opening 'flying' sequence was really, really cheesy.

The special effects were SO bad, in fact, that it brought back memories of "The Greatest American Hero."

Believe it or not.

See what I did there?

No? How old ARE you?

On that note:

Robert Culp..WHERE ARE YOU?

There's a twist in the movie that I won't tell you about.

However, now that you KNOW there's a twist, you'll be able to spot it about 10 minutes in.

It doesn't ruin the movie, but it would have been better had they held out a bit and not given so much of it away.

Regardless, the Bateman/Theron reunion grants this an extra 1/2 star on top of what I would have given it.

My Score:

2-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

Now...excuse me.

I have some more pictures I need to research of Charlize Theron.

Just call me "John Handcock."

Moog out.


Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Zombie Strippers - a Guest Review!!


A faithful reader has stepped up and answered my call for a review of:

Zombie Strippers

Thanks, Pusher Robot!!

Here goes:


After reading your post regarding the movie Zombie Strippers, I felt it my duty and obligation to immediately put it on my Netflix list and send it right to the top of the queue.

I know what you're thinking:

This is just gonna be a bunch of half naked women parading around for the entire movie jiggling their goodies on screen. Why would I want to see that?

Well ... for exactly that reason.

What? Are you stupid?

Is it my fault that 90% of the movie takes place in a strip club? After all, who am I to judge?

Ok, so here's the deal. If you like "stupid" movies like "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" you will LOVE this.

Zombie Strippers is a must see if:

a) you like gore and guts
b) you like boobs
c) you like the funny.

Yes, that's right. This movie is FUNNY.

There are all kinds of humorous bits stuck in throughout this movie, including, but not limited to badgers and an undead cat-fight.

My apologies for the brevity of this review but, well, a dozen dead breasts are calling my name and well, we can't keep them waiting now can we?

Personally I have to give this 3 Mooge splats (out of 4) just for entertainment value alone!

At least that's what we'd give it in the old country!

Pusher Robot

Thanks, Pusher!! Awesome review!

(off to rent the movie now)

Go show Pusher some loving. Zombie-Stripper style.

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Twilight - and the Chick who Hated It.

Got another guest review today.

This is good, because it saves me money on movie tickets.

That means more I can spend on pay-per-view porn.


Today, it's Arielle from over at her blog, "Bitten."

She's reviewing the movie:


Here you go:


Out of the four movies I went to see over Thanksgiving break, Transporter 3, Bolt, Quantum of Solace, and Twilight, the latter movie was the worst.

(editor's note: Transporter 3?! Really?!)

Go see the first three before you think about setting foot in the theater for Twilight.

I think the only other movie that did worse in ratings over the break was Four Christmases, and it's number one in the box office right now. How does that work?

I will admit that I have read all four of the Twilight books, so I am no virgin to the series.

(editor's note: heh said 'virgin'. Sorry.)

I liked the books and I like vampires, but I am not a Twilight fanatic.

I went into the movie optimistic, hoping they wouldn't screw up the story like they did with Eragon. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, consider yourself lucky.)

I dragged along my fiancée because we had a deal. I went and saw Transporter with him, so he would go see Twilight with me.

(editor's note: thank you for, dump your fiancee...seriously...f*cking Transporter 3?!?)

Several people told me that Twilight was a decent movie, and his sister and mother went and saw it with us. It was their second time going, so there had to be something decent to see again, right?

I won't bother with a synopsis of the movie, because it's basically your typical teenage romance with vampires thrown in and a little bit of action at the end.

The book was followed well, but the characters were expressionless and empty.

I can understand the vampires in the movie showing less feeling, but the girl was human and she made the same face throughout the movie whether she was crying or confessing her undying love to the vampire she just met.

The movie itself felt slow, clunky, and awkward, yet the story moved too fast. I guess a lot of book to movie adaptations happen this way, but it felt like only a few days passed in the whole movie, yet they were completely in love forever and ever.

Watching this movie made me realize how cliché and awkward the book was.

When it's in text, it seems fine, but when you actually see it being acted out, you take a step back and realize that it's completely unrealistic, from the way the characters spoke to the way they acted, it just didn't seem natural.

I've spoken to many people who have seen this movie, and this is the general idea I get from them:

Demographically, teenage and young girls will love this movie. The girls will sit in the movie and say, "OhmiGodEdward'ssoooohot!"

People who actually pay attention to the movie instead of dreaming of themselves in Bella's place will notice how bad it is. People who have not read the books (like my fiancée) will be confused for the better part of the movie. He asked me halfway through if the main character was gay.

(editor's note: seriously...he likes "The Transporter" think this lack of wit is due to him not reading the f*cking books?)

Twilight fanatics will vehemently swear that the movie is good because they don't want to admit that they're obsessed about a pile of crap.

My fiancée's mom admitted only after the movie was over and after we complained about it that she didn't like it, and she didn't have a good reason for coming back to see it again.

All in all, watching this movie was like watching a teenage girl's fantasy gone wrong, and it was uncomfortable to sit there and see it play out. I should have just stuck to the books. Now my fiancée won't read it because he saw the movie.

(editor's note: too easy)

Oh yeah, and there are going to be three more movies in this series.

Hopefully, the acting gets better. I haven't decided yet if I'll go see the other three.

My score:

I give it 1 star/Mooge splat/toaster out of four.

...and that's only because I'm a girl, and maybe I did fantasize a little bit about being in Bella's place.

Just a little bit.

Thanks, Arielle!! Awesome review!

We need to talk about your fiancee, though.

Seriously. He has issues.

Now, readers...go give Arielle some lovin'.


Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Bolt - (Richard Gere would LOVE this hamster)

Today on Moog's Movie Reviews, I'm reviewing the latest kid-flick:


The wife and I took the kids to see this the day after Thanksgiving.

Along with 7,000,000 other parents.

Including the broad who fell asleep in the row behind me while her four year old daughter KEPT KICKING MY F*CKING CHAIR SERIOUSLY KID I WILL RIP YOUR F*CKING LEGS OFF IF YOU DON'T STOP I SWEAR IT.


It was a joyous event.

Bolt (voiced by John Travolta) is about a scientologist who is banging Kelly Preston.

Oops. Sorry. That's Travolta.


Bolt is about a dog with super powers including, but not limited to:

1) Laser Vision
2) A Super Bark
3) Super Strength
4) Supersonic leg-humping ability

The problem is, that he BELIEVES he has these powers, but really doesn't.

This is because Bolt is actually the star of a TV show about a "super dog" - and the producers and cast want to make sure he believes this so his grit and determination appear real on the set.

I believe they did this same trick with Lynda Carter in Wonder Woman.

OMG. I would let Lynda Carter lasso me any time.

But I've digressed.

When his "person" is kidnapped ("Penny" voiced by Miley she legal yet?)in a story plot, Bolt believes this is real and breaks out of the set in an attempt to rescue her.

Thus, the movie revolves around Bolt's quest and coming to terms with the fact that he is not, in fact, super.

On the way he befriends two other characters, a cat and a hamster.

The hamster pretty much steals every scene he's in, and is pretty much worth the price of admission alone.

I laughed a lot during this movie, causing my wife - at one point - to look at me from three seats away and mouth:


Apparently, I was that one loud jackass who's killing himself while everyone else is mildly chuckling.


Regardless, I highly recommend Bolt for the entire family.

My Score:

3-1/2 Mooge Splats
(out of a possible four)

Now...excuse me...

...I'm off to rent the Wonder Woman DVD set.

Lynda Carter, I have a wonderful night planned with you, me, the remote, and a big box of tissues.

I'm gonna lasso that asso.

Moog out.


Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Get Smart - Literally

Today I'm reviewing another movie from my Netflix list:

Get Smart

Good. Movie.

To my surprise, though, this was NOT about the hunt for Pamela Smart.

THAT honor goes to the movie "To Die For."

By the way...true fun-fact about Moooooog:

I went to High School with Pamela Smart.

I rode on the same bus as Pamela Smart.

How they managed to get Nicole Kidman to play Pamela Smart is beyond me.

I'm not even going to get into "Murder in New Hampshire," as Helen Hunt always looks like the sun's in her eyes.

I like Paul Reiser!

But I've digressed.

I wanted to see "Get Smart" in the theater, but having two children and approximately 5 minutes of free time a week tends to kill those hopes and dreams.


Regardless - this movie did not disappoint me.

I laughed pretty much through the whole thing.

This tends to piss off my wife a bit, because I have a wicked obnoxious laugh which includes, but is not limited to, me constantly looking over at her to make sure SHE'S laughing as well.

I also sit way forward when I'm laughing really hard.

Sometimes, I fart.

How I actually have a wife is beyond me, sometimes.

There are some clear references to the original TV show, which - apparently - you have to be old to figure out. My wife didn't catch them.

I'm old.

I figured them out.

I need pills for an erection!

Perhaps I've said to much.

Regardless, you can figure out who the 'bad guy' is about halfway through the movie, but it doesn't take away from the laughs.

By the way, keep on the lookout for an appearance by Bill Murray.

He's in this movie for, like, 2 minutes - but they are a hilarious two minutes.

If you like Steve Carell, you will still like him here. I love him (although the restraining order specifically prohibits me from making banners that say this).

Anne Hathaway is also good.

In some scenes, she's hot. Others, eh.

I had to go to her IMDB page to see what she's been in, because I hadn't recognized her.

The only movie I've seen her in is "Brokeback Mountain" (see my review here)...

...and we will not be discussing that here.

My Score:

3 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

F*cking Brokeback Mountain.

Please excuse me while I go vomit.


Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Zeitgeist Reviews. Um...wha...?

Got another guest review today.

This one is a repeat guest reviewer, Zac.

To read Zac's review of Wanted, go here.

Here's today's review of Zeitgeist and Zeitgeist Addendum.


I have no idea, either.

I wrote a movie review, but I'm not sure it's your style. Post it if you'd like, but i understand if you don't.

Zeitgeist: The Movie & Addendum

I finally got around to watching both movies over on, and after watching I now feel compelled to share my thoughts on them.

First off I have to say both movies are very interesting and worth a watch if you can find the time or gumption to sit at your computer for 4 hours or so.

Both contain very insightful information to varying degrees, but like all media, I’d advise all watchers to view with objectivity and decide for themselves what the information really means to them. That being said, on with the review.

Zeitgeist: The Movie

Of the two, I liked this one the least.

The information was all well and good, but it focused too much on the past as opposed to where we are now and where we’re headed. The movie was separated into 3 parts. I only watched the movie once so I can’t give you a detailed recant of what each part contained, but I’ll try my best.

The first part was about religion, specifically the origin of the Christian belief structure and it’s similarities to a plethora of ancient religions. Ironically, I think this chapter does more to legitimize the existence of the bible, through it’s parallels with astrological movements, than it does to debunk Christianity as a whole.

The next part was about 9-11 and the World Bank.

This section may or may not have encompassed all of part 2 and 3, but both were connected. The 9-11 conspiracy theory stuff I could have done with out. It’s not that I don’t agree with it necessarily. I think, at least on some level, it’s probably true.

It’s just I can’t find a reason to care. Not to belittle the loss of life, but the events of that day, whatever the truth is, are a symptoms of the root problem. The actualities make little difference. Only how we move forward from it does.

The World Bank parts were the most fascinating and disturbing, especially considering today’s market. The film really did a great job of explaining our financial system, and accurately predicting it’s inevitable collapse. The information though was mostly tied into 9-11 and past world conflicts, as opposed to a true dissection of the system. Luckily Addendum delves deeper in to this subject.

Zeitgeist: Addendum

I’m not sure how much I can really say about this movie except that everyone should watch it. This film mirrors my own views so closely, it’s almost scary.

This is especially true when I consider that I came to these conclusions completely independently.

This movie delves deep into the inherent corruption of our current economic system and gives the watcher a better understanding of that system. But more then that, it lays the foundation of thought needed to move our evolution forward and beyond that corruption.

I believe that what is proposed in this movie is not a question of if, but one of inevitability. In order for us to move forward, we must readjust our whole way of thinking. This will happen with or without our consent.

So that’s it.

Again, if you choose to watch these movies, keep an open mind and be objectionable, regardless of if you agree or not…after all, that’s kind of the point.

Thanks, Zac!!

FYI - if you do a review, send me a "splat" score (see table on the right) so we can categorize these things appropriately.


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Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Ruins - Yeah...That's a Good Description

Today, I'm reviewing another movie off my Netflix list:

The Ruins

This movie is aptly named because it RUINS your Saturday night.

Since I don't actually feel like wasting much time on this piece of shit, let me sum it up here:

1) It's not scary
2) It's f*cking gross

Seriously, when you find out what the 'monster' actually is, you're going to say to yourself:

" toenails are getting long."

Yeah..that was pretty much my reaction right after I exclaimed:

"You're f*cking kidding me."

So, no - not scary.

However, if you want to be completely grossed out in scene after scene, then by all means rent this movie.

I haven't winced this much since the doctor looked at me on the table as he was getting ready to start my vasectomy, showed me the three inch long f*cking needle, and said:

"You'll feel a pinch."

I'd rather go through THAT again than sit through this shitfest.

The only redeeming value was a 15 second shot of one of the chicks' boobs.

Hey...I'm shallow and will take what I can get.

My score:

1/2 Mooge Splat (out of a possible four)

Now, excuse me while I schedule my vasectomy reversal.

It's gotta take some of this pain away.

Moog out.

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.


Monday, November 10, 2008

Madagascar 2 - I F*cking LOVE Penguins

So, I took the kids this weekend to see:

Madagascar 2

Yeah. Me, and 7 million other people for that show.

Listen, when you're 20 minutes early for the show, and it's already packed, you know the whole experience is gonna suck.

Crying babies?


Stupid bitch with her Blackberry lighting up in front of me every 5 minutes?

Of course.

Little shit kid behind us kicking my daughter's chair?

Why not?

Low volume on the movie?

What? manager...

Could you also put tacks on my chair while throwing salt in my eyes? Thanks in advance.

Regardless - once the movie started and got going, it was great.


Honestly, I couldn't stand the first one. I think I made it through 15 minutes, tops.

This one, though, awesome.

What makes this movie better is the fact that the side characters (penguins and a little old lady) not only take the movie up a notch...




Small things excite me.

Great movie - the kids laughed. I laughed. The lady next to me fondling my genitalia laughed.

Like I said, great movie.

My Score:

3-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


I think I owe that lady a new bucket of popcorn.


Thanks, Sue!!!

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Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Haven't had enough?

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Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Harold & Kumar - Ride that Cheetah!!

I’ve never been to a White Castle.

Or Guantanamo Bay.

I’m more thankful for the latter.

However, Harold & Kumar have been to both places.

And it’s f*cking hilarious.

Today, I’m reviewing a double-shot off my Netflix list:

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

Here are the movies in a nutshell:

Buddy Movie + Stoner Jokes + Lots of Pussy Talk + Toilet Humor + Road Trip + Stupidity

If you can laugh at the prospect of two high guys riding a cheetah, then these movies are for you.

Surprisingly, my wife watched both of them with me.

In the first movie, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, our main characters are wasted and on a quest for munchies.

White Castle hamburgers are the object of their desire.

Now, I’ve never even SEEN a White Castle, let alone had one of their burgers.

(except for the frozen ones we got at the supermarket one time – and I’m assuming that they lose a bit in the translation because I certainly wouldn’t be doing half the shit these guys were trying to get this f*cking burger)

This quest takes them through a fantasmical voyage of such stupidity, that I found myself crying laughing at some points.

Yes - I admit it.

I’m a man, and I cried.

Line forms at the rear of the room, ladies!

The second movie, Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, is just regular stupid.

But stupid and funny.

It takes place IMMEDIATELY after the first one – and is WAY over the top compared to the first one as far as believability goes

(listen, when the first one has a scene where the guys are riding a cheetah through the forest, and the SECOND one is less believable, you know you have some storyline issues).

Regardless, it had it’s VERY funny parts including the weirdest ménage-a-trois sex scene sequence you will ever, ever see.

Search "Harold Kumar Threesome" on YouTube if you don’t plan on renting the movies – the clip alone is worth a watch.

Two separate scores here:

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

3 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

Excuse me while I go hunt down a White Castle burger.

Now…where did I park that damn cheetah?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Saw V - PoetrySue takes a Cut at it

Hey kids!!

Well - another one of our readers has sent me her very own guest review.

(If you have a movie you want to review, just send it to me. I have the instructions at the end of the review)

This one comes from PoetrySue over at "So Sue Me."

Sue is reviewing:

Saw V

Personally, I didn't go see it because after seeing Saw, Saw II and Saw III just felt like the same movie...

...except with extra Roman numerals.

Listen, when your movie tagline is:
"Saw IV: Now there's a 'V' in the title!" might want to move on to a different project.

But, to each his or her own.

Here's Sue's review:

Ok MOOOG since you are loser who can't go see anything unless it is a chick flick or a kid's movie in the theaters. I used Bruce's money and sacrificed a Friday night to go see a real movie for you.

Saw V

The most recent installment in the ultimate mind f*ck movie series.

I went to an 11:45pm showing on Friday night. Mostly because I did not want to get stuck with all the teenagers taking their dates out hoping to score.

If you have seen the trailers for this movie then you have seen the opening sequence.

There is a guy who wakes up and finds himself strapped down to a table with a huge pendulum hanging above him.

This does not end well for dude on table. But it is very exciting to watch.

In this movie almost all of the old "Jigsaw" murder scenes are revisited.

Remember the FBI agent from Saw IV? Well he's going back over things with a fine tooth comb.... looking for..... well a person.

I hate spoiling movies so don't expect anything like that here.

There is plenty of beheadings and people getting blown up and blood splatter for any Saw fan.

The only complaint... it was too short. It was only like an hour and twenty minutes long.

My sister said:

"If they could make Titanic a three hour movie why the hell do we only get an hour of Saw? What the F*ck Man?"

I love my sister.

Needless to say they left the end open enough for another movie (keep your fingers crossed). But they wrapped things up enough to end the series if they want to (lets hope not).

I give it 3 Mooge Splats (out of a possible 4)

...simply becuase It was so short...

...another 45 minutes would have given it a 4...


Thanks, Sue!!!

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.


Monday, October 20, 2008

Burn After Reading - A BIL Review

Short review today.

Well, my brother-in-law Derek shot me an email the other day after I asked him if he'd seen "Eagle Eye," as I was tempted to go see it until I saw from that pretty much everyone hated it.

I cave to peer pressure.

(By the way, if anyone saw it, and wants to post a review of "Eagle Eye" here, send it to me)

Here's Derek's email, which includes a short review of:

Burn After Reading


"Hey - I have not seen Eagle Eye.

I read Ebert's review and he didn't like it at all.

(although to be honest, I need a second opinion because Ebert has changed since his surgery).

I did see "Burn After Reading".

I will say this:

If you like the Coen Brothers, I mean most Coen Brothers, not just Fargo.

If you like "The Big Lebowski," "Barton Fink," "O Brother Where Art Thou;" then I would recommend this movie.

I enjoyed it.

I thought the movie was pretty but the ending was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

I walked out of the theater with a huge smile on my face and not just because I was drunk and high."


There you have it.

A good movie review from someone who may or may not have been drunk and high.

Derek's Score (assumed by me):

3 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sarah Marshall - Redux

Well, folks...I haven't seen anything in a while.

As always, if you've seen something that you'd like to share with our readers here in a review, let me know and we'll be sure to put your review up.

In the meantime, I received "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" from Netflix the other day.

You know a movie is good when you see it in the theater, and then rent or buy it when it comes back out.

Sarah Marshall is like that.

Except for the full-on male frontal nudity from the guy in "How I Met Your Mother," I can't find a single thing to complain about.

Here's my original review:

"Too Much Penis! Too Much Penis!"



Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Beverly Hill Chihuahua and the Virginity Incident

It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

Someone, please….

Kill me.

Today, I’m reviewing another kid’s movie:

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

(please see above “kill me” comment)

My wife gracefully “opted out” of seeing this movie with me and the kids.

When I say “opted out,” I mean “she said ‘f*ck no’.”

But – the kids wanted to see it, and I like taking them to the movies so I said, “sure.”

A few things to note here:

1) “Beverly Hill Chihuahua” was the NUMBER ONE movie this weekend.

2) The movie I WANTED to see Eagle Eye came in second. SECOND.

3) I no longer want to see “Eagle Eye” if it can’t beat a talking f*cking dog movie.

The worst part of the movie was this:

The movie was rated “PG.” As to why this is, I have not a single clue.

However, prior to the movie, the theater decides to show a trailer for an upcoming piece of shit “feel good” Christmas crapfest called Nothing Like the Holidays.”

We’re watching this trailer, when John Leguizamo looks at another character and says:

“Hey..I lost my virginity on that couch.”



Mr. Theater Manager…sir?

See this? See all of this?

(me pointing at theater packed with little kids who want to see talking Chihuahuas)

You might want to shelve that trailer.

I was in no f*cking mood to answer this:

Daughter: “Dad? What’s a virginity?”

Me: "Um..."

Son: “How did he lose it? Did he drop it?”

Thanks, asshole.

Back to the movie – I have to tell you that I didn’t hate it.

In fact, I found myself laughing out loud a few times.

Two words can sum up the type of humor in this movie:

Chihuahua. Stampede.


Of course, all the characters have Spanish accents, since, well…they ARE Chihuahuas and the story mainly takes place in Mexico.

Coincidentally, all of them drove around packed into a 1982 Toyota, had 7 kids, and were continually taking up all the available seats in the local hospital emergency room.

Wait. Nevermind.

That wasn't the movie.

However, the overall theme here was that the main culture was Spanish.

So, when the credits rolled, my daughter recognized one of the voiceover characters.

Daughter: “Ooooh! Paul Rodriguez! He does a show on Nickelodeon!”

Then…my son…

Son: “Ohhhhh….I know him. Daddy, does he play the brown guy?”

Yes, son.

He plays a brown guy.

Although, I don't think he really has a choice.

Racial intolerance is funny. Teach it at home!!

Long story short, the movie teaches some decent lessons about overcoming adversity and not letting your size or stature get in the way of achieving things.

This is a good lesson for them to learn…

…as both my wife and I are, like, 5-foot-2 and the kids don’t have much hope of towering over other people and crushing them with sheer force.

From a kid’s point of view, I’ll give it my score:

2-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

Now, excuse me, I have to go.

This theater isn’t going to picket itself.

Virginity at a talking Chihuahua movie.

What the f*ck.

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Thursday, October 2, 2008

Go, Speed Racer...Go Have a Seizure

Today I’m reviewing another movie off my Netflix list:

Speed Racer

I heard a LOT of nasty things about this movie…which stopped me from bringing my son to it when it was out at the theater.

In retrospect, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre – the Beginning” probably wasn’t a very smart substitute.

On a bright note, his nighttime screaming has recently stopped.

Regardless, when Speed Racer came out on DVD, I figured I’d give it a shot and hope for the best.

I have to tell you, I was surprised.

It was better than I thought it would be.

My conundrum about this movie, though, is this:

Who were they aiming this movie at?


Um…I’m not so sure this is a kids movie as the plot includes:

1) Corporate takeover plots

Nothing says “kid friendly” like trying to describe to a 5 year old the art of the hostile takeover.

2) Flashbacks every 30 seconds for the first 30 minutes of the movie

Ah…more kid friendliness.

The first half-hour of the movie was spent with me saying this to my kids:

Me: “Ok…now…this is him as a kid and he’s remembering his bro..oh…now we’re back and he’s racing…and that’s his brother’s car in front of him and…um…okay…he’s a kid again…”

That was fun.

3) Violence

This includes a number of scenes involving mafia violence (yes…mafia) that includes, but is not limited to:

a) Racers being blown up
b) A machine gun fight
c) A racer being beaten
d) A man’s finger being chewed off by piranha

Good night, kids!

Sweet dreams!


Typical kids’ attention span of a non-animated movie not starring robots/talking animals/talking robots/robot animals: 80 minutes.

This was a tough sell.

Were they aiming this at adults?

Again…not so sure.

The animation is purposefully cheesy…and although there was an attempt to make certain things look realistic, you had NO doubt at any point in the movie that you were watching a live-action cartoon.

However, the fact that Christina Ricci looked pretty good in this (I usually think she looks like a fish-eyed crack whore) along with several upskirt scenes in “f*ck me” boots kind of cements this for me.

Overall, though…


I liked it enough to say, “worth a rental” if you enjoy live-action cartoons and realize that what you’re watching is in NO TERMS a serious take on the cartoon (which I never watched, by the way).

On a large TV with surround sound, it looked and sounded good.

I can completely understand the complaints of people who saw it in the theater, though, regarding the colors in the movie.

EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) is neon.

How people didn’t die in theaters watching this from seizures, I have no idea.

On a smaller screen, though, it’s completely mesmerizing.

I enjoyed it enough to actually watch it twice with my son.

You know…after he bailed in the first hour.

My Score:

2-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

Now…excuse me.

I have to go find some stills of Christina Ricchi in that outfit.

I’m bringing her some crack to try to get my foot in the door.

Moog out.

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.