Reviews. Ratings. Stories. The "Dick in the Popcorn" trick.

If it's about a movie...or going to a movie...or, Christ, even watching TV...you'll find it here in "Moog's Movie Reviews!"

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Ruins - Yeah...That's a Good Description

Today, I'm reviewing another movie off my Netflix list:

The Ruins



This movie is aptly named because it RUINS your Saturday night.

Since I don't actually feel like wasting much time on this piece of shit, let me sum it up here:

1) It's not scary
2) It's f*cking gross

Seriously, when you find out what the 'monster' actually is, you're going to say to yourself:

"Man..my toenails are getting long."


Yeah..that was pretty much my reaction right after I exclaimed:

"You're f*cking kidding me."


So, no - not scary.

However, if you want to be completely grossed out in scene after scene, then by all means rent this movie.

I haven't winced this much since the doctor looked at me on the table as he was getting ready to start my vasectomy, showed me the three inch long f*cking needle, and said:

"You'll feel a pinch."

I'd rather go through THAT again than sit through this shitfest.

The only redeeming value was a 15 second shot of one of the chicks' boobs.

Hey...I'm shallow and will take what I can get.

My score:

1/2 Mooge Splat (out of a possible four)



Now, excuse me while I schedule my vasectomy reversal.

It's gotta take some of this pain away.

Moog out.

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