Reviews. Ratings. Stories. The "Dick in the Popcorn" trick.

If it's about a movie...or going to a movie...or, Christ, even watching'll find it here in "Moog's Movie Reviews!"

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Get Smart - Literally

Today I'm reviewing another movie from my Netflix list:

Get Smart

Good. Movie.

To my surprise, though, this was NOT about the hunt for Pamela Smart.

THAT honor goes to the movie "To Die For."

By the way...true fun-fact about Moooooog:

I went to High School with Pamela Smart.

I rode on the same bus as Pamela Smart.

How they managed to get Nicole Kidman to play Pamela Smart is beyond me.

I'm not even going to get into "Murder in New Hampshire," as Helen Hunt always looks like the sun's in her eyes.

I like Paul Reiser!

But I've digressed.

I wanted to see "Get Smart" in the theater, but having two children and approximately 5 minutes of free time a week tends to kill those hopes and dreams.


Regardless - this movie did not disappoint me.

I laughed pretty much through the whole thing.

This tends to piss off my wife a bit, because I have a wicked obnoxious laugh which includes, but is not limited to, me constantly looking over at her to make sure SHE'S laughing as well.

I also sit way forward when I'm laughing really hard.

Sometimes, I fart.

How I actually have a wife is beyond me, sometimes.

There are some clear references to the original TV show, which - apparently - you have to be old to figure out. My wife didn't catch them.

I'm old.

I figured them out.

I need pills for an erection!

Perhaps I've said to much.

Regardless, you can figure out who the 'bad guy' is about halfway through the movie, but it doesn't take away from the laughs.

By the way, keep on the lookout for an appearance by Bill Murray.

He's in this movie for, like, 2 minutes - but they are a hilarious two minutes.

If you like Steve Carell, you will still like him here. I love him (although the restraining order specifically prohibits me from making banners that say this).

Anne Hathaway is also good.

In some scenes, she's hot. Others, eh.

I had to go to her IMDB page to see what she's been in, because I hadn't recognized her.

The only movie I've seen her in is "Brokeback Mountain" (see my review here)...

...and we will not be discussing that here.

My Score:

3 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

F*cking Brokeback Mountain.

Please excuse me while I go vomit.


Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Zeitgeist Reviews. Um...wha...?

Got another guest review today.

This one is a repeat guest reviewer, Zac.

To read Zac's review of Wanted, go here.

Here's today's review of Zeitgeist and Zeitgeist Addendum.


I have no idea, either.

I wrote a movie review, but I'm not sure it's your style. Post it if you'd like, but i understand if you don't.

Zeitgeist: The Movie & Addendum

I finally got around to watching both movies over on, and after watching I now feel compelled to share my thoughts on them.

First off I have to say both movies are very interesting and worth a watch if you can find the time or gumption to sit at your computer for 4 hours or so.

Both contain very insightful information to varying degrees, but like all media, I’d advise all watchers to view with objectivity and decide for themselves what the information really means to them. That being said, on with the review.

Zeitgeist: The Movie

Of the two, I liked this one the least.

The information was all well and good, but it focused too much on the past as opposed to where we are now and where we’re headed. The movie was separated into 3 parts. I only watched the movie once so I can’t give you a detailed recant of what each part contained, but I’ll try my best.

The first part was about religion, specifically the origin of the Christian belief structure and it’s similarities to a plethora of ancient religions. Ironically, I think this chapter does more to legitimize the existence of the bible, through it’s parallels with astrological movements, than it does to debunk Christianity as a whole.

The next part was about 9-11 and the World Bank.

This section may or may not have encompassed all of part 2 and 3, but both were connected. The 9-11 conspiracy theory stuff I could have done with out. It’s not that I don’t agree with it necessarily. I think, at least on some level, it’s probably true.

It’s just I can’t find a reason to care. Not to belittle the loss of life, but the events of that day, whatever the truth is, are a symptoms of the root problem. The actualities make little difference. Only how we move forward from it does.

The World Bank parts were the most fascinating and disturbing, especially considering today’s market. The film really did a great job of explaining our financial system, and accurately predicting it’s inevitable collapse. The information though was mostly tied into 9-11 and past world conflicts, as opposed to a true dissection of the system. Luckily Addendum delves deeper in to this subject.

Zeitgeist: Addendum

I’m not sure how much I can really say about this movie except that everyone should watch it. This film mirrors my own views so closely, it’s almost scary.

This is especially true when I consider that I came to these conclusions completely independently.

This movie delves deep into the inherent corruption of our current economic system and gives the watcher a better understanding of that system. But more then that, it lays the foundation of thought needed to move our evolution forward and beyond that corruption.

I believe that what is proposed in this movie is not a question of if, but one of inevitability. In order for us to move forward, we must readjust our whole way of thinking. This will happen with or without our consent.

So that’s it.

Again, if you choose to watch these movies, keep an open mind and be objectionable, regardless of if you agree or not…after all, that’s kind of the point.

Thanks, Zac!!

FYI - if you do a review, send me a "splat" score (see table on the right) so we can categorize these things appropriately.


Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Ruins - Yeah...That's a Good Description

Today, I'm reviewing another movie off my Netflix list:

The Ruins

This movie is aptly named because it RUINS your Saturday night.

Since I don't actually feel like wasting much time on this piece of shit, let me sum it up here:

1) It's not scary
2) It's f*cking gross

Seriously, when you find out what the 'monster' actually is, you're going to say to yourself:

" toenails are getting long."

Yeah..that was pretty much my reaction right after I exclaimed:

"You're f*cking kidding me."

So, no - not scary.

However, if you want to be completely grossed out in scene after scene, then by all means rent this movie.

I haven't winced this much since the doctor looked at me on the table as he was getting ready to start my vasectomy, showed me the three inch long f*cking needle, and said:

"You'll feel a pinch."

I'd rather go through THAT again than sit through this shitfest.

The only redeeming value was a 15 second shot of one of the chicks' boobs.

Hey...I'm shallow and will take what I can get.

My score:

1/2 Mooge Splat (out of a possible four)

Now, excuse me while I schedule my vasectomy reversal.

It's gotta take some of this pain away.

Moog out.

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.


Monday, November 10, 2008

Madagascar 2 - I F*cking LOVE Penguins

So, I took the kids this weekend to see:

Madagascar 2

Yeah. Me, and 7 million other people for that show.

Listen, when you're 20 minutes early for the show, and it's already packed, you know the whole experience is gonna suck.

Crying babies?


Stupid bitch with her Blackberry lighting up in front of me every 5 minutes?

Of course.

Little shit kid behind us kicking my daughter's chair?

Why not?

Low volume on the movie?

What? manager...

Could you also put tacks on my chair while throwing salt in my eyes? Thanks in advance.

Regardless - once the movie started and got going, it was great.


Honestly, I couldn't stand the first one. I think I made it through 15 minutes, tops.

This one, though, awesome.

What makes this movie better is the fact that the side characters (penguins and a little old lady) not only take the movie up a notch...




Small things excite me.

Great movie - the kids laughed. I laughed. The lady next to me fondling my genitalia laughed.

Like I said, great movie.

My Score:

3-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


I think I owe that lady a new bucket of popcorn.


Thanks, Sue!!!

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Harold & Kumar - Ride that Cheetah!!

I’ve never been to a White Castle.

Or Guantanamo Bay.

I’m more thankful for the latter.

However, Harold & Kumar have been to both places.

And it’s f*cking hilarious.

Today, I’m reviewing a double-shot off my Netflix list:

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

Here are the movies in a nutshell:

Buddy Movie + Stoner Jokes + Lots of Pussy Talk + Toilet Humor + Road Trip + Stupidity

If you can laugh at the prospect of two high guys riding a cheetah, then these movies are for you.

Surprisingly, my wife watched both of them with me.

In the first movie, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, our main characters are wasted and on a quest for munchies.

White Castle hamburgers are the object of their desire.

Now, I’ve never even SEEN a White Castle, let alone had one of their burgers.

(except for the frozen ones we got at the supermarket one time – and I’m assuming that they lose a bit in the translation because I certainly wouldn’t be doing half the shit these guys were trying to get this f*cking burger)

This quest takes them through a fantasmical voyage of such stupidity, that I found myself crying laughing at some points.

Yes - I admit it.

I’m a man, and I cried.

Line forms at the rear of the room, ladies!

The second movie, Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, is just regular stupid.

But stupid and funny.

It takes place IMMEDIATELY after the first one – and is WAY over the top compared to the first one as far as believability goes

(listen, when the first one has a scene where the guys are riding a cheetah through the forest, and the SECOND one is less believable, you know you have some storyline issues).

Regardless, it had it’s VERY funny parts including the weirdest ménage-a-trois sex scene sequence you will ever, ever see.

Search "Harold Kumar Threesome" on YouTube if you don’t plan on renting the movies – the clip alone is worth a watch.

Two separate scores here:

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

3 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

Excuse me while I go hunt down a White Castle burger.

Now…where did I park that damn cheetah?