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If it's about a movie...or going to a movie...or, Christ, even watching'll find it here in "Moog's Movie Reviews!"

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Beverly Hill Chihuahua and the Virginity Incident

It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

Someone, please….

Kill me.

Today, I’m reviewing another kid’s movie:

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

(please see above “kill me” comment)

My wife gracefully “opted out” of seeing this movie with me and the kids.

When I say “opted out,” I mean “she said ‘f*ck no’.”

But – the kids wanted to see it, and I like taking them to the movies so I said, “sure.”

A few things to note here:

1) “Beverly Hill Chihuahua” was the NUMBER ONE movie this weekend.

2) The movie I WANTED to see Eagle Eye came in second. SECOND.

3) I no longer want to see “Eagle Eye” if it can’t beat a talking f*cking dog movie.

The worst part of the movie was this:

The movie was rated “PG.” As to why this is, I have not a single clue.

However, prior to the movie, the theater decides to show a trailer for an upcoming piece of shit “feel good” Christmas crapfest called Nothing Like the Holidays.”

We’re watching this trailer, when John Leguizamo looks at another character and says:

“Hey..I lost my virginity on that couch.”



Mr. Theater Manager…sir?

See this? See all of this?

(me pointing at theater packed with little kids who want to see talking Chihuahuas)

You might want to shelve that trailer.

I was in no f*cking mood to answer this:

Daughter: “Dad? What’s a virginity?”

Me: "Um..."

Son: “How did he lose it? Did he drop it?”

Thanks, asshole.

Back to the movie – I have to tell you that I didn’t hate it.

In fact, I found myself laughing out loud a few times.

Two words can sum up the type of humor in this movie:

Chihuahua. Stampede.


Of course, all the characters have Spanish accents, since, well…they ARE Chihuahuas and the story mainly takes place in Mexico.

Coincidentally, all of them drove around packed into a 1982 Toyota, had 7 kids, and were continually taking up all the available seats in the local hospital emergency room.

Wait. Nevermind.

That wasn't the movie.

However, the overall theme here was that the main culture was Spanish.

So, when the credits rolled, my daughter recognized one of the voiceover characters.

Daughter: “Ooooh! Paul Rodriguez! He does a show on Nickelodeon!”

Then…my son…

Son: “Ohhhhh….I know him. Daddy, does he play the brown guy?”

Yes, son.

He plays a brown guy.

Although, I don't think he really has a choice.

Racial intolerance is funny. Teach it at home!!

Long story short, the movie teaches some decent lessons about overcoming adversity and not letting your size or stature get in the way of achieving things.

This is a good lesson for them to learn…

…as both my wife and I are, like, 5-foot-2 and the kids don’t have much hope of towering over other people and crushing them with sheer force.

From a kid’s point of view, I’ll give it my score:

2-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

Now, excuse me, I have to go.

This theater isn’t going to picket itself.

Virginity at a talking Chihuahua movie.

What the f*ck.

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LBluca77 said...

Your kids are hilarious. I too want to see that movie. I believe I was the only person on earth that watched Garfield the movie.

meleah rebeccah said...

well, I am with your WIFE on this one.

Fuck NO.

And what was with the Virginity Talk? In the trailer before the movie? Good thing the next trailer was NOT Boogie Nights...

Although THAT MOVIE is one of The Best Movies....EVER.

AngryMan said...

The kids have heard much worse from you, man. Get over it.

Chickie said...

I am so going to see this. And I'm taking my freeze dried Chihuahua with me.