This Just In: HULK SMASH!! Liv Tyler Still Unattractive

It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

Where getting a rave review from me is as earth-shattering as getting a knob-job from Rosie O'Donnell.

So...yeah...not so much.

Today’s review:

The Incredible Hulk


I took my four-year-old son to see this on Sunday.

Unfortunately, so did Ping Wing Wong and his four kids.

As such, I’m even more convinced today that ASIANS CAN’T WHISPER.

The entire movie was all this:

Actor: “Oh. My. GOD!!! It’s coming right…”

Asian kid across aisle: “Ding Waaaaaaaah kwang ding dwong kong!! KaPling!!”

Seriously, kid.

SHUT THE F*CK UP or I'm taking away your koi pond.


Anyway…about the movie (which was fairly incoherent due to said small Asian boy who didn’t know how to whisper).

I liked it. So did my son.

It’s not nearly as awesome as the awesome awesomeness of Iron Man (which was awesome).

But it was good.

Two things I noticed:

1) What is the friggin’ fascination with Liv Tyler?!

There was a scene which, I assume, was supposed to be all sexy and shit with Liv Tyler coming out into the rain all wet and stuff.

All I could think of would be the massive tooth-dragging Hell that would result in an overbite-induced BJ from her.

I’d still take it…but I might not enjoy it.


2) Was Ed Harris the model for the monster, “The Abomination?”

Here…take a look:


Whaddy think? Separated at birth?

If anything, this should encourage Ed Harris to work out more. He now knows what he’d look like totally jacked.

The synopsis:

Ed Norton:
Not sure if they MADE him get into the worst shape of his life for this or not.

But – two words for Ed in this:

Man Boobs.

Seriously, dude. Go get a Manzier.


Tim Roth (Abomination):
Dude…really. Did you and Ed go to the same anti-gym for this movie?

My four year old son has bigger arms than you.

Hulk:
Looks great in certain light…cartoonish in others.

However, when you realize that you’re watching “The Hulk” – you kinda expect this.

At the end, he speaks.

This resulted in both me and my son running around the house yelling:

“HULK SMASH!!!”

This really annoyed my wife when she could hear me yelling this from the bathroom when I was trying to drop a deuce.


My Score:

2-1/2 Mooge Splats



Honestly...I was tempted to go for THREE Splats.

But the "Liv Tyler Teeth Thing" keeps dragging me back.

Ugh.

I said "dragging."

Moog out.

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Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.
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