Reviews. Ratings. Stories. The "Dick in the Popcorn" trick.

If it's about a movie...or going to a movie...or, Christ, even watching'll find it here in "Moog's Movie Reviews!"

Monday, June 2, 2008

Really? A F*cking Spaceship?!?

It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

...where my opinion is about as useful as George Bush's college degree.


...not so much.

Today I'm reviewing:

Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Fresh on the heels of the super-awesome-boner-inducing thrill ride that was Iron Man...

(see my review here)

...I was pretty pumped to see this one as well.

And...unfortunately... were my kids.

Before I get into it, let me say this:


However, I will not give out the ending (as I've already done it in the title...HA HA!!).

If you just want my score...head to the bottom NOW.

That's why you should never take TWO children (ages 4 and 7) to a PG-13 movie:

1) I had to explain to them what "Roswell" was

2) I had to explain to them what a nuclear bomb was

3) I had to tell my son 26 times to "sit down or I WILL TAKE YOU HOME RIGHT NOW!"

4) I had to explain every single plot point...TWICE

This last point - explaining the plot twists - really, really sucked because I was seated in the middle of my kids.

As such, my head moved side to side more than Paris Hilton when she met the Backstreet Boys.

I'm sure this made for a wonderful movie-going experience for the people behind us...

...and the 90-year old coughing (SERIOUSLY a f*cking lozenge!!) guy in front of us.

Back to the review...

With all this said, I thought the movie was okay.

I'm just glad that my wife decided to stay home...

...otherwise, I would have to go see some bullsh*t movie with Jennifer Aniston in it just to make up for taking her to it.

Here's the bottom line:

Harrison Ford:
The guy is STILL awesome. Not as many funny one-liners as we're used to...but he's still worth watching.

Shia LaBeouf:
Not a bad turn, although I liked him better in Transformers.

Which leads me to:

Megan Fox:
Unlike Shia LaBeouf, she's in Transformers but NOT in this you lose a WHOLE SPLAT right there.

Karen Allen:
GMILF. I actually think she looks better in this movie than in "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

It looks like age has also given her boobs, which were seriously lacking in the first movie.

There it is.
There's a f*cking spaceship in this movie. Now you know.

Given this, I would think that if Spielberg and Lucas did the same old "now he's in the he's in a he's being he's back in the jungle.." there wouldn't be a whole lot new to the franchise and people would have bitched.

They've added a little sci-fi to it...which can be good and bad.

In my was more like:

"..what the...?"

A little Megan Fox wouldn't have hurt, though.


My Score:

Two and a half Mooge splats
(out of a possible four)


Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

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