Reviews. Ratings. Stories. The "Dick in the Popcorn" trick.

If it's about a movie...or going to a movie...or, Christ, even watching TV...you'll find it here in "Moog's Movie Reviews!"

Friday, June 13, 2008

Phat Panda


It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

My tag line:

"Perfecting the Art of Peeing into the Popcorn Hot Butter Machine"


Seriously...it takes practice to get it just right.

Today we're reviewing "Kung Fu Panda."

Now, I get a bit of pushback on my reviews because I do a lot of kid's movies.

(screw you, mom)

However...

It's because I have kids who like movies.

As such, someone needs to sit with them.

I found this out the hard way during the "Finding Nemo Incident," which I'm still trying to have wiped off my criminal record.


But enough about that...

I took the kids to see this while my wife was at some country jamboree or some sh*t concert like that.

She likes country music.

I think it sounds like horrible crap spewed from the mouths of retarded monkeys.

I'm not sure why she doesn't invite me.


Anyway...the review.

I really liked this movie.

So did my kids.

The only problem I had was that Jack Black pretty much stays in classic jack black character.

This is awesome if you find Jack Black simply f*cking hilarious.


For example...

An opening line from a dream sequence in "Kung Fu Panda":

“...an awesome aura so awesome, his enemies would go blind from overdoses of pure awesomeness!”

Me: A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Everyone else:

*cricket*


I hate when that happens.


The karate sequences were as good if not better than that movie "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"...

...Or as I called it:

"Crouching tiger, hidden what the f*ck are they doing...f*cking flying?!?! What the f*ck?!!"


Anyway...

Jack Black:

His awesome level of awesomeness was awesome

Angelina Jolie:

Even as an animated tiger, I'd still bang her if my wife would get me a hall pass.


Dustin Hoffman:

Plays the sensei. I'm still trying to figure out what kind of animal that was.

Rabbit?

Welsh Corgi?


Jackie Chan:

Does anyone really care about Jackie Chan any more at this point?

My score:

3 out of 4 mooge splats.



Seriously...what are you, Dustin?

Chihuahua...?

Give me a f*cking clue, dude.

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Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.
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8 comments:

mauniejames3 said...

I really enjoyed it too and also what kind of animal that was. Angie's voice is sexy enough...

mauniejames3 said...

gee I am not making sense...I meant
I also wondered what kind of an animal he was playing...

AngryMan said...

Mmmmmmm, Angelina Jolie and bestiality all rolled into one. Can't get much better than that.

C.Rag said...

When will you do the Hulk?

moooooog35 said...

C.Rag - I'm assuming you're talking about the movie, and not Rosie O'Donnell.

The Hulk review is squared up and ready to go. I have it scheduled for Friday.

That good? Too late? Want it earlier?

TomboCheck said...

He was supposed to be a small Red Panda. But yeah, totally looks more like a welsh corgi.

Jen said...

I am going to take my son to see this on Thursday. Mom's going with me for moral support since the spousal unit will be at work. He doesn't have the patience anyhow (although he'd say different)

Isn't Dustin Hoffman supposed to be some endangered species? Like tombocheck said, the red panda.

Shover Robot said...

We just finally watched kung fu panda and could barely stay awake watching it.

Am I the only negative comment on this movie?