The Review Update..."Transformers 2," "The Hangover," "Doubt," and "Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs"

Because I've been on vacation, and busy, I've been neglecting my movierly (what the fuck?) duties.

So...today...

YOU GET FOUR REVIEWS!!

FOUR!!

Sit down and stop clapping...you're embarrassing yourselves.

Also:

I think I'm hanging up this site.

But I want your opinion on it.

Because...

Two things have come to mind to me recently regarding these reviews:

1) I no longer have the time to continue to write the lengthy movie reviews that I do here and...

2) I'm quickly running out of money going to all these fucking movies

That said, I'm either going to shut this site down shortly...

...or try to get some volunteers to help me out.

* cough

* looking at YOU

Let me know what you think of these shorter, abridged versions and if you think this site is worth continuing if I was to only do them in this shorter fashion.

In the meantime, some short reviews of things I've seen recently:

In Theaters:

Transformers 2: The Revenge of the Fallen

The Pros: 1) Megan Fox

2) See #1

3) Special Effects are excellent

4) See #2

The Cons:

1) Will someone please call John Turturro and tell him that his career called and wants him back?

2) Some scenes don't have Megan Fox in them.

Seriously...what the fuck?

My Score: 2-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible 4)



The Hangover

GO SEE THIS FUCKING MOVIE RIGHT NOW.

Are you still here?

Did you not read what I just wrote?!

Get your ass moving!

Funniest goddamn movie I've seen in a LOOONG time.

Awesomeness Awesomenicity.

My Score: 3-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible 4)



Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

I have two kids and therefore am required by law to see stuff like this every so often.

However...not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Not as good, either, though.

The saving grace, once again, is that stupid squirrel thing, 'Scrat,' which I sometimes call 'scat' because I'm obsessed with poop.

Don't judge.

My Score: 2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible 4)



From my Netflix List:

Doubt

I believe that this was a contender last year for 'Best Picture.'

Well deserved nomination.

Now, I'm not a fan of Meryl Streep, but she was simply fucking awesome in this movie.

However, this was also the first movie where I looked at Amy Adams and went..

"Hmm...maybe she's NOT that hot."

I never want to have that feeling again.

Great movie though with an ending that leaves you in...well...doubt.

But well worth seeing for the acting, at the very least.

My Score:

3-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible 4)



Again...

I'm not sure where I'll be going with this site moving forward...

BUT any and all guest posts are welcome.

Also...money is welcome, too.

These tickets are getting expensive.

Moog out.


***********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

"Pan's Labyrinth" and "The Orphanage" - A Guest Review

Once again, I let my readers do the reviewing...

...as I basically sit back and masturba...um...relax.

Yes. I'm relaxing.

What?

Regardless, today I have a guest review from Kimberly Mead over at TwentySomething.

She's reviewing the movies:

Pan's Labyrinth

..and..

The Orphanage

Thanks, Kim!!

Read on!

***********************

Pan's Labyrinth

Last year sometime, I saw Pan's Labyrinth.

I thought it was a great movie - though not at all what I originally expected.

The previews made it seem as though it was on the same page as movies such as Narnia, when really it was a thriller / gruesome story about a little girl (Ofelia) who created a fantasy world to deal with the harsh reality she was living in.

In her harsh world – 1944, in Spain – she has just come to live with her military stepfather who doesn’t care for her at all, because he is waiting on the son that her mother was (hopefully) pregnant with, and her mother was struggling with her pregnancy and bedridden.

This is not something you want your kids to see.

There are no sweet, sarcastic beavers like in Narnia.

Instead there are fairies that die if you eat forbidden food, and a scary dude with eyeballs in the palms of his hands that will chase you out of his lair.

Ofelia’s ally is the faun who tells her to complete certain tasks to prove she is the princess of an underground kingdom. (Cue the guy with the eyes in his hands and dying fairies)

The ending is surprisingly uplifting, even though it comes after considerable violence.

The movie was written and directed by Guillermo del Toro, in Spanish with subtitles. It was intriguing, scary, a little gory and overall rentworthy.

*****************

The Orphanage

So, on blockbuster.com, I found another movie Guillermo del Toro worked on - The Orphanage.

It had a similar feel to Pan's Labyrinth in that it was a thriller / scary movie and had a pretty dark story line. (And, also in Spanish with subtitles.)

Basically, The Orphanage starts with a little girl named Laura who lives at an orphanage and is being adopted.

Cut to 30 years later, and she has her own son and husband.

She has just bought the house the orphanage was in 30 years ago and plans to open her own home for children.

Her son, who is also adopted and suffers from an illness, has imaginary friends that are a bit too real to him.

Laura struggles with her rational/mother mode and support of her son when she plays along with his 'imagination'.

Tragedy / a little bit of mystery strikes the family, and the rest of the movie takes you through their ordeal. It’s a bit nuts – you see the things the mother does to solve the mystery and wonder – when are the men in white coats coming to take her away??

It was not at all predictable - which is refreshing since so many movies can be figured out before they are over.

If you can stand a few jumpy scenes and creepy masks - I would recommend renting this.

Just a heads up - I watched it during the day and was creeped out by the masks!


***********************
BOO!!

Did I get you?

Probably not. Okay...back to mastur..

Relaxing.

I'm relaxing.

Thanks, Kim! Great reviews!

And go give Kim a read over on TwentySomething.


***********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************

"Twilight" - A Guest BOOK Review!

Well, we've branched out.

I've had plenty of Guest Reviews for movies before.

But here, we get our first Guest BOOK Review.

Thanks, PkmnTrainerJ.

Here, without further ado, is a book review from PkmnTrainerJ for:

Twilight



FYI...

If you're looking for a guest MOVIE review of Twilight, you can find it here.

************************
The email:

Hey moog,

So long as there's a picture of the book at the top, and some thing highlighting how much of a fag that Robert Pattison/Patterson(?) is, I think this should be fine with a bit of your moogy magic.

************************

The review of Twilight:

What a load of utter bollocks.

People claimed that the Twilight series would be the ‘next Harry Potter’ and I should have learned to ignore the whole ‘next ’ advertising by now, especially with Heroes being spread about as the next Lost, when it doesn’t come anywhere near close.

Ah Lost, you are so damn sexy. Mmm...Lost.

Back to Twilight.

If you don’t know, Twilight is a book series by Stephanie Meyer, and is now also a film series.

In it, there’s a pale emo girl called Bella, some vampire guy called Edward I think, and in later books some werewolf comes in to make a love triangle. How you can screw up great science fiction/fantasy figures such as vampires and werewolves this badly is beyond me.

The best description I’ve ever heard for this book is “self-insertion fan fiction” from someone I follow on Twitter.

When you’re seeing things on websites like “oh, I want to be with Edward sooo much lolololol” & “I wonder what Bella’s baby will be called, I hope it will be half werewolf” etcetera, etcetera it certainly holds true.

I started up the book with an incredibly slow start, and I set it down for a few days and tried to get back in to it later on. I stopped again soon after and wondered whether the allure was just for female folk as mentioned above, but I could watch something like Buffy easily, and basically liked the Underworld films which utilised the whole vampire romance thing + werewolves, so thought that must be it.

Then, a colleague at work came in early, and said he was reading Twilight while waiting for his shift to start.

I thought of two things.

A) He’s a big queermo, in which case all the things he’s said to me have not been in jest

B) Maybe it’s just me that doesn’t get the book.

I told him it was the worst book I’ve ever read, and he started to defend it.

Our conversation was finished with me saying “Vampires. That. Glitter” and then he didn’t speak to me for the rest of the shift. Or again...oh well, no big loss.

THEY FUCKING GLITTER. NO DEATH. JUST GLITTER AND SPARKLES.

So, I tried picking it up once again when I got home, and just couldn’t do it.

It’s so terribly shit.

It’s the kind of stuff you’d expect from someone in Year 4 or 5 (about 5th Grade for America) if they wrote a short story that had to include, themselves, two fantasy races and a love story.

I only managed to get about 150 pages in to it, before I could see where the story was going, with the weird lab, the pale girl and the vampire bloke, and didn’t give a shit.

I wasn’t invested in the story because Bella hadn’t been built up very well at all. This is the only book I’ve started reading and never finished. It was that bad.

If you’re a guy, I wouldn’t advise getting this book.

If you have a girlfriend, don’t get her this book.

If you’re a woman, you already have this book, and will comment to complain at me.

***********************

So, I don't get it, PkmnJ...did you like it or what?

I guess it's a mystery.

Anyway, that's Pkmn's take on Twilight for my first ever Guest Book Review.

Thanks, dude!

Go check him out, folks. He's a good guy and apparently has issues with really shitty books.

Moog out.

***********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************

"He's Just Not That Into You" - (Thank Christ)

Today I'm reviewing a movie off my Netflix list:

He's Just Not That Into You


Let me get this out front and say that the ONLY fucking reason that it was on my Netflix list is because my wife wanted it there.

Sometimes I let her win.

Regardless, let's get to it.

See that movie poster up there for the movie?

It could easily be replaced with this one:


What a giant piece of dogshit.

Listen, you know a chick flick is shit when the woman who wanted to watch it in the first place says this at the closing credits:

Wife: "Well. That was a giant waste of two hours."

Two hours?

Try two hours, nine minutes.

Killing myself would take less time, and I'd probably laugh more doing it.

The two bright spots:

1) Scarlett Johansson is in it AND getting her boobs groped while wearing a bra!

2) See #1.

There were more fucking people in one of the most convoluted 'he said'/'she said' plots than Jon and Kate discussing who they were going to have an affair with next.


Mmmm.

Kate.

Sure, it would be like screwing an open window after her 8 kids...but whatever.

Regardless, this crapfest makes it on my 'Moog's Awful Movie List.'

My Score:

1 Mooge Splat (out of a possible four)


The single splat is simply to acknowledge Scarlett's sweet, sweet boobies.

So, I guess there WERE two reasons to like the movie.

Her left one, and her right one.

Moog out.

***********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************

"The Day the Earth Stood Still" - Less Keanu, More Big Robot, Please

Today I'm reviewing a movie off my Netflix list:

The Day the Earth Stood Still


Further proof that Keanu Reeves is a phenomenal acting talent.

On a related note:

Sometimes I make myself laugh.

I had never seen the original movie and, therefore, did not know what to expect from this one.

However, Rottentomatoes.com lists the approval rating for this flick at 21%.

That means only 1 out of 5 people liked this movie.

I was one of those 5.


I mean..it was not REALLY REALLY REALLY bad...

...but it also was not a little good, either.

Keanu Reeves plays an alien representing a larger faction of Aliens concerned with the state of our planet.

As such, Keanu comes to Earth to save it.

The key here is that he's saving the EARTH...not necessarily the people on it.

(queue porn music)

Woops..wrong music.

(queue suspense music)

Keanu really stretches his acting skills here by having absolutely NO inflection in his voice in any of his lines...

...and I think that maybe I actually saw him turn his head once.

Did someone say Oscar nomination?!?!

*cricket

Sorry.

Stupid question.


Helping to not get Keanu killed by angry Americans is Jennifer Connelly, reprising her role in another movie as an 'is she hot...or would she be really really hot if she just trimmed those fucking eyebrows?' chick.

Seriously...those eyebrows.

They're, like, caterpillar thick.

I'm still on the fence about her.


Regardless...she tries to change Keanu's mind about destroying civilization in order to save the planet.

Does she do it?

Will Jennifer Connelly's eye-caterpillars live to see another day?


You'll have to watch it to find out.

Unless you don't want to watch it.

Which is probably a good idea.

My score:

1-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Please excuse me now.

I have to Google more pictures of Jennifer Connelly.

This mystery ain't gonna solve itself, people.

Moog out.

***********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************

"Terminator: Salvation" - Don't Bale if You Like the Series

Today I'm reviewing:

Terminator: Salvation


We're gonna keep this one really short today for two reasons:

1) I'm working

2) I have to poop

I guess I could have combined those two since I really put a lot of effort into my shits.

Whatever.


I got a chance to break away this weekend and see Terminator: Salvation.

I was pretty bummed out after seeing rottentomatoes.com reviews of it...which pretty much said it sucked more ass than Ellen Degeneres trying to save Portia De Rossi from a runaway anal hamster.

Wow.

I'll be dreaming of that shit tonight.

Hooray for me!


Regardless, I went to see it anyway because I had a free pass to the movies.

Hint: If you complain about ANYTHING at the movies, they give you free passes.

Noisy fat assfuck with his hat on fucking sideways in the front row?

Free pass.

No sound for 3.4 seconds of the previews?

Free pass.

Popcorn too salty?

Listen...I know I was the one putting the salt on the popcorn but, seriously, you don't have ANY warning labels about the speed of the pour on the shakers.

Free pass.

You're welcome.

I've digressed.

Here is my synopsis in a nutshell:

If you are a fan of the Terminator series (and I am one of them), you will like this movie.

There are tie-ins to every single other movie - some subtle, some not so subtle, and some you go HOLY FUCKSHIT that was cool!

Guy yelling "Holy Fuckshit that was cool!" in the movie?

Free pass.

Doesn't matter that it was me.

Regardless, since Christian Bale actually stars in about 5 minutes of the fucking movie, don't ignore it just because you can't fucking stand him.

He's almost a non-character.

HOWEVER...

If you know very little or nothing about the Terminator series, this is NOT the place to learn.

You'll be lost and it will just look like a movie with lots of robots and fighting and shit.

Which is still fucking cool but since you didn't see the other Terminators you fucking loser you're gonna be lost.

Then you can complain that the movie was confusing.

Free pass.

I have to give this one two scores:

My Score for Fans of the Terminator series:

3 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


My Score for newbies (i.e., losers - seriously...Terminator? What the fuck is wrong with you not knowing fucking TERMINATOR?!):

1-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Don't like my two scores?

Free pass.

Seriously. Try this shit.

You're welcome again.

Moog out.

***********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************

"Up" - Get Up and Go

Today I'm reviewing the movie:

UP


Finally.

After seeing the horrible fuckshow known as "Night at the Museum 2"...

...I get a movie that is WORTH seeing.

Well worth it.

Suffice it to say, "Up" has earned a place in my top 20 movie list of all time.

Easily.

Yes.

A Pixar animated film has justly joined the ranks of such greats as:

1) Jaws

2) Braveheart

3) The Fugitive

4) Dr. Gonzo's Six-Hour Anything Goes SexFest Extravaganza

Six hours...plus lesbian action...three ways...AND anal?

You don't get much better that THAT, my friends.


Where was I?

Oh.

Up.

To be honest, the movie may be a bit slow and/or confusing for those kids 5 and under...

...as the first 20 minutes of the movie outlines the main character, Mr. Fredrickson, from childhood to old age.

In this period, he meets his wife as a young boy...and the beginning of the film outlines their life together and, eventually, her death.

During this period of the movie, there is VERY little dialog...so very young ones may find themselves fidgeting a bit and needing to have the synopsis here explained.

That being said:

GO SEE IT ANYWAY.

Mr. Frederickson takes it upon himself to see to it that his wife's desire for a life of adventure not go to waste.

This is similar to my desire for adventure.

Unfortunately, 'adventure' for me means 'getting the mail.'

I'm sad sometimes.


Mr. Frederickson thusly rigs his home (on the verge of destruction by a local builder) with enough helium-filled balloons to transport him to the land of "Paradise Falls," a mythical place in South America where he and his wife always dreamed of going.

Things go awry, though, when a local Cub Scout named "Russell" becomes an unwanted stow away.

Long story short, the house eventually lands on "Paradise Falls" which is populated by a rare animal, a man who is trying to hunt it and his pack of obedient dogs outfitted with collars that allow them to talk.

Mr. Frederickson and Russell take it upon themselves to help save the animal from the hunter and - in the end - find their own adventure and a true and lasting friendship.

This movie has something for everyone, and is definitely worth the price of admission.

My Score:

4 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Now...excuse me...

I still have 5 hours and 45 minutes of my Dr. Gonzo video to watch.

At 5 minutes per viewing, this is gonna take me forever.

Moog out.


**********************

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************

"Night at the Museum 2 - Battle of the Smithsonian" - Amy Adams in Tight Pants!!

Today I'm reviewing the movie:

Night at the Museum 2 - Battle of the Smithsonian


Ugh.

Let's cut to the chase on this one, shall we?

Is the movie good?

No.

No it's not.

Is the movie funny?

The movie has, maybe, two funny parts in it.

Both of which involve a squirrel.

Ironically, my favorite porn movie also has a squirrel in it.

Perhaps I've said too much.

Is it funnier than the first movie?

Fuck no.

If you didn't think the first movie was even a little good/funny...you will friggin' hate the shit out of this one.

Yes. You will hate the shit out of it.

I'm coining that phrase.


Will the kids like it?

My son, who turns 6 in July, was bored out of his mind until the last 20 minutes of the movie when the actual "Battle of the Smithsonian" takes place.

Come to think of it, so was I.

So, no.

Unless your kids enjoy being bored for an hour and a half, they probably won't like it.

They will SAY they like it after it's over because, well, kids are stupid.

Is there ANYTHING to like in the movie?

Actually, yes.

There are three things that I found enjoyable:

1) Amy Adams wears tight pants

Amy Adams plays Amelia Earhart in this movie.

Throughout the movie, she wears skin-tight pants.

This is a good thing.


2) Bill Hader is in it

If you've seen 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' ...

(and if you HAVEN'T seen 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' then seriously what the fuck is wrong with you?!)

...or Superbad, then you know who Bill Hader is.

(see my latest review of Forgetting Sarah Marshall here)

He's awesome.

Here, he plays General Custer, and has some decent dialog - especially when he's trying to say Sacajawea's name.

3) It ends

Thankfully, this movie ends and you get to leave the theater.

My Score

1-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Excuse me...

I have to Google some pictures of Amelia Earhart to see what SHE'D look like in tight pants.

* 2 minutes later

Not good.

Not good at all.

Moog out.

**********************

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************

"Quantum of Solace" - Um...Wha..?

Today I'm reviewing a movie off my Netflix list:

Quantum of Solace


Listen, I'm not a huge James Bond fan.

I'm also not gay.

However, I've seen both Daniel Craig versions and I have to say this:

Sometimes, I look into his dreamy blue eyes and chiseled body and want to be a Bond Girl.

I wish that last sentence never left my fingertips.

Did I mention I'm not gay?


I also mentioned I'm not a James Bond fan.

However, I kinda liked 'Casino Royale,' even though my knowledge of poker extends to these two things:

1) You use cards
2) You must use only your feet unless you're the goalie

One of those may be wrong.


So, with me kinda liking 'Casino Royale,' I decided to rent 'Quantum of Solace.'

How was it?

Three minutes into the movie and I was completely fucking lost.

You know, I should have figured this shit would be over my head when the name of the movie sounds like the title of Stephen Hawking's thesis.


However, there was enough jumping and chasing and shit for me to keep going:

"Oooh. Cool jumping."

...and...

"Oooh. Cool chasing and shit."

There was some plot that involved some weird looking bad guy, and Bond trying to get revenge for the death of the chick I forgot who died in Casino Royale, and something about water in the desert and...

..hold on...

...more jumping.

Cool.

Okay. I'm back.

As far as the 'Bond Girl' in this one?

OH. MY. GOD.

Here she is:


Whoops.

Wrong picture.

Here she is:


Holy fuckshit, Batman.

Now I KNOW I'm not gay.

Mostly.

Regardless...between all the jumping and chasing and hot chicks and incoherent plot and fucking stupid title...

I give it my score.

My Score:

2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


You can raise that to 2-1/2 Splats if you value action over being able to understand what the fuck is going on.

Now, excuse me...

I'm working on my own thesis.

It includes that Bond Girl and a lot of lube.

I'm totally winning an award for this.

Moog out.

***********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************

"Star Trek" - "Lost" in Space

Today I'm reviewing the NEW movie:

Star Trek


I wanted to LOVE this movie.

I wanted to see this movie badly enough to stick my wife with the kids and the lawn mowing duties on Mother's Day while I went to see it.

I'm a good husband.


If you're familiar with the original TV series, the movie introduces us to all of the characters we already know...but gives them a backdrop on how they came together to form the Enterprise crew.

If you're not familiar with the characters, you won't get a few subtle references...but the plot is written out fairly well so you get an introduction to them all and get to know their characters.

The plot?

Well...let's just say that the overriding plot point is what did the movie in for me and turned it from an:

"OH MY GOD I HAVE TO SEE THIS MOVIE"

...to...

"It was very good...not pee your pants fantabulous."


The Pros:

1) The opening scene BEFORE the title sets the stage for the action that will follow

2) The special effects are fantastic. At NO point did I watch this thinking, "oh...blatant cartoon shit."

3) Lieutenant Uhura is a goddamn FOX in this version. Holy shit.

There's an entire 'black hole' reference that can be made, but I'll refrain right now.

Um.

Woops.


The Cons:

1) The plot

Listen.

I watch 'Lost.'

If you watch Lost, and you're starting to get sick of all the "time travel jumping back and forth shit", you're probably going to do the same thing I did when I realized that half the story in this movie involved "time travel jumping back and forth shit":

Me: "Jesus Christ. Time travel back and forth shit?"

If you DON'T watch Lost, then just know there's time travel back and forth shit.

Hey, J.J. Abrams:

WE GET IT.

You have a fucking thing with time travel in your stories.

GET. OVER IT.

Please.


2) The guy playing Dr. McCoy tries too goddamn hard

If you know the original series, probably the best character out of that was Dr. Leonard McCoy (Bones).

Here, in the movie, the guy playing Bones tries SO HARD to get down Bones' mannerisms and speech that you feel like he's at a roast doing impressions of the guy.

It was a little over the top for me.


However, again, if you didn't watch the series, you'll probably find him funny (as he was in the show).

3) Leonard Nimoy. Really?

Seriously...in a BRAND NEW movie remaking the thing from scratch...

...they have to bring in one of the original members for - NOT JUST A CAMEO - but a VERY LONG and involved character?

Oh.

That's because he's from the fucking future.

(see bitch #1)

J.J. Abrams....you're fucking killing me.

HOWEVER...

That said, it was a good movie. The special effects and action alone probably make it worth seeing.

My Score:

3 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Now excuse me...

I have to go rewatch last weeks' episode of "Lost."

Seriously...this shit's starting to confuse the fuck out of me.

Moog out.



***********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************

"X-Men Origins: Wolverine" - Leaves you...well...speechless.

Today I'm reviewing the movie:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine



I admit it.

I'm a sucker for superhero movies.

So is my son.

Which is why I brought a five year old to see a PG-13 movie that has such lines in it as:

"I'm going to cut your head off. See how that works."

...and...

"Where are you going to stick THAT?!"

Whoops. Sorry.

That last one is from XXX-Men.

(personal collection)


Regardless, I wasn't expecting much, and - therefore - wasn't all that disappointed.

Although the movie doesn't actually EXPLAIN most of Wolverine's powers (why he's invincible...doesn't age (or, to be more accurate, STOPPED aging on or around the age of 40)') and how he got them...

...it did touch on the basic points on who he is and why.

The best parts of the movie:

1) Liev Schreiber playing Sabertooth

He gets his point across that he's a really really bad guy...even though his dialog is restricted on basically one-liners and growling while he leaps around like Madame Pain during my Thursday night sessions.

Perhaps I've said too much.


2) Riggins is a superhero!!

Yes. Riggins.

The guy who plays 'Riggins' from one of my favorite TV Shows of all time, 'Friday Night Lights' plays Gambit.

My wife said, 'How was he?'

I said:

"He was like Riggins...but, you know...a superhero."


Now, I'm not gay or anything...

..but when I dream of myself in a 3-way with Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson...

..I look like that guy.

3) Lynn Collins playing 'Silverfox' (Wolverine's girlfriend)

Holy crapshit. She's hot.


Notice that I did not mention Hugh Jackman here.

Hugh Jackman pretty much calls it in here.

I can sum up watching Hugh Jackman like this:









There you go.

On a different note, though...the guy is JACKED.

Overall, not a BAD movie...not a good movie, either.

Just kind of...

Eh.

My Score:

2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Now, excuse me...

The Star Trek movie comes out this weekend.

This means I have to break out my sci-fi porn so I can remember the characters.

Spock is hung.

Moog out.


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