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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Gran Torino - (I Learned 60 New Racial Slurs!!)

Today, I'm reviewing the movie:

Gran Torino

Gran Torino stars Clint Eastwood in what is, most likely, his last acting role.

I love Clint Eastwood.

My wife, does not.

Hence, I went to see this alone.

Me: "Honey, why don't you like Clint Eastwood?"

Wife: "I don't like his voice. I can't listen to him. I think the last thing I saw him in was the movie with the monkey."


Every Which Way But Loose.

What better measure of a man's distinguished acting career?

Gee...I can't think of one!

Whatever - I went alone.

Now I can masturbate in the popcorn!

Perhaps I've said too much.

In "Gran Torino," Clint Eastwood plays a racist old war veteran who has just buried his wife and now lives alone in a neighborhood that's being taken over by minorities and rival street gangs.

His family is full of ungrateful kids and grandkids who want nothing to do with him other than his money and his prize possession - his 1972 Ford Gran Torino.

When a family of Asians moves next door, Clint goes into full Archie Bunker mode until one of the gangs tries recruiting the son of his neighbor.

Seriously, he pulls out so many epithets that I found it really hard to keep up and write them all down in my notebook to use here at work.


When Clint reluctantly comes to the aid of this boy, things start getting good - and Clint goes into renegade mode. You may find it tough to believe that a person Eastwood's age can pull off the tough-guy routine - but he pulls it off completely.

You do not want to fuck with this guy.

The story evolves into a change of character for Clint, as he befriends the family and neighborhood...and attempts to turn the boy's life around.

I had heard great things about this movie, and was really pumped to see it.

In the end, though, I was like:


It was good.

It was not great.

Clint has some excellent dialogue...and his character is very believable.

The problem is with the supporting cast.

Aside from one guy (the barber), I don't think they could have picked a worse bunch of actors for Clint to work with.

This, for me, took away from the whole movie - as all the dialogue that was NOT Clint's seemed forced.

All the lines from these people seemed...fake...shallow.

Like the vagina on a guy who just got a sex change.

Don't ask me how I know this.

I'd wait for the DVD if I was you - but when it does come out, give it a shot.

My Score:

2-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

Now, excuse me...

I've got to go rent that movie with the monkey in it, and see what my wife is bitching about.


Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

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Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.


meleah rebeccah said...

I expected Clint to rule. Fully. But I am disappointed to hear the rest of the cast wasn't very good. However, I do plan on seeing this flick.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

That's why I appreciate the original National Lampoon's Vacation (summer, was it?) because you get a full-on appreciate of Beverly's yabbos.

Susan said...

You totally nailed this review, just as you probably nailed your tub of popcorn. Oh, gross - sorry, I couldn't help myself...I just still remember that from the first time I read one of your reviews!

I am a Tornado ~ proven fact! said...

I really liked Gran Torino, I laughed- ALOT.

The acting was pretty terrible - esp. the sister but Clint totally ROCKED and carried this film.

I didn't think the boy was all that ... maybe I confused bad acting with coming of age insecurity. That could be it.

I'm not up to your caliber by any stretch ... but I've seen some serious sick movies .. so if you want me to review something I will.

Just started this site - I'll be reviewing Gran Torino hopefully today.

I am a Tornado ~ proven fact! said...

oh ... I've seen sick movies that I will not discuss on my own movie review site. SERIOUS weird disturbing movies, I can send you my imdb account so you can check out my comments out there.

Stacie said...

your wife might just have nailed it, his voice IS annoying.

Jon said...

Whenever I write a review, I always check your site to see what your thoughts were. (Only because I'm a Bruins fan.)

I think we're in agreement here too...