Go, Speed Racer...Go Have a Seizure

Today I’m reviewing another movie off my Netflix list:

Speed Racer


I heard a LOT of nasty things about this movie…which stopped me from bringing my son to it when it was out at the theater.

In retrospect, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre – the Beginning” probably wasn’t a very smart substitute.

On a bright note, his nighttime screaming has recently stopped.


Regardless, when Speed Racer came out on DVD, I figured I’d give it a shot and hope for the best.

I have to tell you, I was surprised.

It was better than I thought it would be.

My conundrum about this movie, though, is this:

Who were they aiming this movie at?

Kids?

Um…I’m not so sure this is a kids movie as the plot includes:

1) Corporate takeover plots

Nothing says “kid friendly” like trying to describe to a 5 year old the art of the hostile takeover.


2) Flashbacks every 30 seconds for the first 30 minutes of the movie

Ah…more kid friendliness.

The first half-hour of the movie was spent with me saying this to my kids:

Me: “Ok…now…this is him as a kid and he’s remembering his bro..oh…now we’re back and he’s racing…and that’s his brother’s car in front of him and…um…okay…he’s a kid again…”

That was fun.


3) Violence

This includes a number of scenes involving mafia violence (yes…mafia) that includes, but is not limited to:

a) Racers being blown up
b) A machine gun fight
c) A racer being beaten
d) A man’s finger being chewed off by piranha

Good night, kids!

Sweet dreams!

4) The movie is TWO HOURS AND FIFTEEN MINUTES LONG

Typical kids’ attention span of a non-animated movie not starring robots/talking animals/talking robots/robot animals: 80 minutes.

This was a tough sell.


Were they aiming this at adults?

Again…not so sure.

The animation is purposefully cheesy…and although there was an attempt to make certain things look realistic, you had NO doubt at any point in the movie that you were watching a live-action cartoon.

However, the fact that Christina Ricci looked pretty good in this (I usually think she looks like a fish-eyed crack whore) along with several upskirt scenes in “f*ck me” boots kind of cements this for me.


Overall, though…

I LIKED IT.

I liked it enough to say, “worth a rental” if you enjoy live-action cartoons and realize that what you’re watching is in NO TERMS a serious take on the cartoon (which I never watched, by the way).

On a large TV with surround sound, it looked and sounded good.

I can completely understand the complaints of people who saw it in the theater, though, regarding the colors in the movie.

EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) is neon.

How people didn’t die in theaters watching this from seizures, I have no idea.


On a smaller screen, though, it’s completely mesmerizing.

I enjoyed it enough to actually watch it twice with my son.

You know…after he bailed in the first hour.

My Score:

2-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Now…excuse me.

I have to go find some stills of Christina Ricchi in that outfit.



I’m bringing her some crack to try to get my foot in the door.

Moog out.

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