Hard as Iron

It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

Where I go see a movie...

...then wait three f*cking weeks to tell you what I thought of it.

Just in time for the DVD Release.

Timely.


Hey...dipshit...

...if you're looking for Ebert & Roper...you're in the wrong place.

The gay bar is down the street on the right.

Anyway...

Let's get started.

Today..I'm reviewing:

IRON MAN

Hold on...just got a boner.

(...3 seconds later...)

OK...all set.

Now..

I took my four year old son to see Iron Man.

I hadn't been this excited to see a movie since "Where the Boys Aren't, Part 2" came out.

Ironically...that movie ALSO had a lot of mechanical parts in it.


I actually liked Iron Man so much that I went to see it TWICE.

TWICE.

The last time I went to see a movie twice at the theater was "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back."

It was 1980.

I was 11.


My friend and I left the theater, then turned around...

...and WENT RIGHT BACK IN to see it again.

Did I say I was 11?

Couple the fact that my mother had no idea where I was for two hours when I was supposed to be home...

...along with the oh-so-safe city I lived in (Lawrence, Massachusetts)...


...and you end up with a boy who was subjected to a fairly severe beating when he got home.

Thanks, dad.

PRICK.


As such - you can see my trepidation in seeing a movie at the theater TWICE.

Regardless...comfortable in the feeling that neither my son (viewing #1) nor my brother-in-law (viewing #2) would kick my ass...I went.

I would have to say that the second viewing was even better than the first.

Robert Downey Jr.:
AWESOME.

The only problem I had were the scenes where he was either beat up or near dying...

...and all I could think of was that this was how he looks when he's squatting in crack houses shooting up with transvestites.

(a quick "shout out" here to my mom)



Gwyneth Paltrow:
For the first time EVER I thought: "Man...I'd hit that."

Although not has hot as the chicks in "Where the Boys Aren't, Part 2," she still looked totally do-able.

Special Effects:
Did I already say that I had a boner?

(by the way...awkward walking out of the theater with wood when accompanied by either your son or brother-in-law...just sayin')

If you haven't seen it, go see it.

Ladies, if you have no desire to see it, let your husband/boyfriend/butch-dyke lover use your admission money and go TWICE.

Just don't kick their ass when they get home.

Moog's Movie Score:

Four Mooge Splats
(out of a possible four splats)



Next up: Indiana Jo..Jo.oh...Joohh..oohhh...

Dammit.

There I go with the boner again.

Be right back.
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To see my other movie reviews, you can click here.

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