Today I'm reviewing:
Terminator: Salvation
We're gonna keep this one really short today for two reasons:
1) I'm working
2) I have to poop
I guess I could have combined those two since I really put a lot of effort into my shits.
Whatever.
I got a chance to break away this weekend and see Terminator: Salvation.
I was pretty bummed out after seeing rottentomatoes.com reviews of it...which pretty much said it sucked more ass than Ellen Degeneres trying to save Portia De Rossi from a runaway anal hamster.
Wow.
I'll be dreaming of that shit tonight.
Hooray for me!
Regardless, I went to see it anyway because I had a free pass to the movies.
Hint: If you complain about ANYTHING at the movies, they give you free passes.
Noisy fat assfuck with his hat on fucking sideways in the front row?
Free pass.
No sound for 3.4 seconds of the previews?
Free pass.
Popcorn too salty?
Listen...I know I was the one putting the salt on the popcorn but, seriously, you don't have ANY warning labels about the speed of the pour on the shakers.
Free pass.
You're welcome.
I've digressed.
Here is my synopsis in a nutshell:
If you are a fan of the Terminator series (and I am one of them), you will like this movie.
There are tie-ins to every single other movie - some subtle, some not so subtle, and some you go HOLY FUCKSHIT that was cool!
Guy yelling "Holy Fuckshit that was cool!" in the movie?
Free pass.
Doesn't matter that it was me.
Regardless, since Christian Bale actually stars in about 5 minutes of the fucking movie, don't ignore it just because you can't fucking stand him.
He's almost a non-character.
HOWEVER...
If you know very little or nothing about the Terminator series, this is NOT the place to learn.
You'll be lost and it will just look like a movie with lots of robots and fighting and shit.
Which is still fucking cool but since you didn't see the other Terminators you fucking loser you're gonna be lost.
Then you can complain that the movie was confusing.
Free pass.
I have to give this one two scores:
My Score for Fans of the Terminator series:
3 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)
My Score for newbies (i.e., losers - seriously...Terminator? What the fuck is wrong with you not knowing fucking TERMINATOR?!):
1-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)
Don't like my two scores?
Free pass.
Seriously. Try this shit.
You're welcome again.
Moog out.
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Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!
Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.
***********************
Haven't had enough?
Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.
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Tuesday, June 9, 2009
"Terminator: Salvation" - Don't Bale if You Like the Series
Monday, June 1, 2009
"Up" - Get Up and Go
Today I'm reviewing the movie:
UP
Finally.
After seeing the horrible fuckshow known as "Night at the Museum 2"...
...I get a movie that is WORTH seeing.
Well worth it.
Suffice it to say, "Up" has earned a place in my top 20 movie list of all time.
Easily.
Yes.
A Pixar animated film has justly joined the ranks of such greats as:
1) Jaws
2) Braveheart
3) The Fugitive
4) Dr. Gonzo's Six-Hour Anything Goes SexFest Extravaganza
Six hours...plus lesbian action...three ways...AND anal?
You don't get much better that THAT, my friends.
Where was I?
Oh.
Up.
To be honest, the movie may be a bit slow and/or confusing for those kids 5 and under...
...as the first 20 minutes of the movie outlines the main character, Mr. Fredrickson, from childhood to old age.
In this period, he meets his wife as a young boy...and the beginning of the film outlines their life together and, eventually, her death.
During this period of the movie, there is VERY little dialog...so very young ones may find themselves fidgeting a bit and needing to have the synopsis here explained.
That being said:
GO SEE IT ANYWAY.
Mr. Frederickson takes it upon himself to see to it that his wife's desire for a life of adventure not go to waste.
This is similar to my desire for adventure.
Unfortunately, 'adventure' for me means 'getting the mail.'
I'm sad sometimes.
Mr. Frederickson thusly rigs his home (on the verge of destruction by a local builder) with enough helium-filled balloons to transport him to the land of "Paradise Falls," a mythical place in South America where he and his wife always dreamed of going.
Things go awry, though, when a local Cub Scout named "Russell" becomes an unwanted stow away.
Long story short, the house eventually lands on "Paradise Falls" which is populated by a rare animal, a man who is trying to hunt it and his pack of obedient dogs outfitted with collars that allow them to talk.
Mr. Frederickson and Russell take it upon themselves to help save the animal from the hunter and - in the end - find their own adventure and a true and lasting friendship.
This movie has something for everyone, and is definitely worth the price of admission.
My Score:
4 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)
Now...excuse me...
I still have 5 hours and 45 minutes of my Dr. Gonzo video to watch.
At 5 minutes per viewing, this is gonna take me forever.
Moog out.
**********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!
Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!
Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.
***********************
Haven't had enough?
Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.
***********************
