Moog's Movie Reviews

Friday, June 13, 2008

Phat Panda

It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

My tag line:

"Perfecting the Art of Peeing into the Popcorn Hot Butter Machine"

Seriously...it takes practice to get it just right.

Today we're reviewing "Kung Fu Panda."

Now, I get a bit of pushback on my reviews because I do a lot of kid's movies.

(screw you, mom)

However...

It's because I have kids who like movies.

As such, someone needs to sit with them.

I found this out the hard way during the "Finding Nemo Incident," which I'm still trying to have wiped off my criminal record.

But enough about that...

I took the kids to see this while my wife was at some country jamboree or some sh*t concert like that.

She likes country music.

I think it sounds like horrible crap spewed from the mouths of retarded monkeys.

I'm not sure why she doesn't invite me.

Anyway...the review.

I really liked this movie.

So did my kids.

The only problem I had was that Jack Black pretty much stays in classic jack black character.

This is awesome if you find Jack Black simply f*cking hilarious.

For example...

An opening line from a dream sequence in "Kung Fu Panda":

“...an awesome aura so awesome, his enemies would go blind from overdoses of pure awesomeness!”

Me: A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Everyone else:

*cricket*

I hate when that happens.

The karate sequences were as good if not better than that movie "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"...

...Or as I called it:

"Crouching tiger, hidden what the f*ck are they doing...f*cking flying?!?! What the f*ck?!!"

Anyway...

Jack Black:

His awesome level of awesomeness was awesome

Angelina Jolie:

Even as an animated tiger, I'd still bang her if my wife would get me a hall pass.

Dustin Hoffman:

Plays the sensei. I'm still trying to figure out what kind of animal that was.

Rabbit?

Welsh Corgi?

Jackie Chan:

Does anyone really care about Jackie Chan any more at this point?

My score:

3 out of 4 mooge splats.

Seriously...what are you, Dustin?

Chihuahua...?

Give me a f*cking clue, dude.

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Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.
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