Reviews. Ratings. Stories. The "Dick in the Popcorn" trick.

If it's about a movie...or going to a movie...or, Christ, even watching TV...you'll find it here in "Moog's Movie Reviews!"

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Vantage Point(less)


It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

Where I like to watch movies with "Jiffy Pop."

Ironically, "Jiffy Pop" also describes me having sex.

Girls can be mean.

Today's review is from my Netflix list:

Vantage Point


Here's how to determine whether or not you're going to like Vantage Point in a nutshell:

If you are watching something with someone that requires rewinding/fast forwarding (i.e., Tivo, DVR, etc.)...

...and the person with the clicker keeps fast-forwarding TOO far...

...or rewinding TOO far...

...and then has to fast-forward AGAIN...

...but then the motherf*cker goes TOO F*CKING FAR YET AGAIN...

...and now you're like:

"JUST STOP F*CKING REWINDING AND SH*T ALREADY - YOU SUCK WITH THAT F*CKING REMOTE!!"

Then skip this movie.


Here's why.

The movie starts out following Dennis Quaid. This is a good thing.

Dennis Quaid is awesome - and he's no different in this movie.

However, Dennis' story takes, like, 15 minutes to tell.

Then what happens?

Well...

IT F*CKING REWINDS.

Yes...the movie rewinds.

It even does the whole *ZWIP ZWIZZLE ZWIP* rewinding noises that VCR's make.

Ugh.


This, in and of itself isn't bad.

If it happens, say, ONCE.

However, after the SIXTH F*CKING TIME THIS HAPPENS, you're sitting there going:

"OH, COME ON!! Just tell the f*cking story already."

The movie ends up being told from no less than six different "Vantage Points" (HEY! I get the title now!)...

...but after each one:

*ZWIP ZWIZZLE ZWIP*

MOTHER. F*CKER.

I was ready to put my foot through the TV after the fourth one. I mean, four HAS to be the limit of this shit, right?

RIGHT?!?

Wrong.

The only saving grace to this movie is that Forest Whitaker is in it, so you have at least some time to sit there and say:

"Jesus H. Christ that man is f*cking ugly."



Sigourney Weaver is also in it for about two minutes, but she isn't 20 years old and in panties like she was in the first Alien movie, so I kind of ignored her.

My Score:

1-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)



Wow...

...those splats actually look like Forest Whitaker.

That dude is f*cking ugly.

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3 comments:

LBluca77 said...

I hear ya about vantage point. It bored me to tears, actually it bored me enough to bust out the check book and pay some bills.

Matthew Fox is foxy, Forest Whitaker not so much

meleah rebeccah said...

Thank you for spearing me those two hours of my life. I will NOT be spending any time or money on his flick.

Mimzie Beaumont said...

I hated this movie! It was like "Groundhog's Day" with guns.