Reviews. Ratings. Stories. The "Dick in the Popcorn" trick.

If it's about a movie...or going to a movie...or, Christ, even watching TV...you'll find it here in "Moog's Movie Reviews!"

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Mummy: Tomb of the Emperor Dragon (and only one hot Asian chick)


It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

Where I take my 5 and 7 year old kids to PG-13 movies and have to explain stuff like:

Actor: "I'm gonna KICK. YOUR. ASS!!!"

Daughter: "Daddy? What's an ass?"

Awesome.

And the answer is:

Me.

I'm an ass.

Today, I'm reviewing:

"The Mummy: Tomb of the Emperor Dragon"


Let's see:

I've reviewed two Brendan Frasier movies in two weeks (here's the first one).

And, recently, Paris Hilton put together a lucid point on environmental policy.

Um.

RUN PEOPLE.

Apparently, The Apocalypse is upon us.


I heard awful, horrible things about this movie from Rottentomatoes.com before I went to see it.

It said stuff like:

"Too many special effects."


"Too much slapstick humor."

"Maria Bello somehow manages to have smaller breasts than Rachael Ray. How is that f*cking possible? It's like she's a friggin' boy. Where's Rachel Weisz?!? Is she home, right now, planning new ways to stalk me?"


One of the above may not have been on Rottentomatoes.com.


My thinking was:

"Slapstick humor + special effects = fun for kids."

And I was right.

Mark your calendar. That doesn't happen often.

The kids really liked it.

I thought it wasn't nearly as bad as the reviews made it out to be.

Popcorn fun movie, and better if you've got kids.

Kids that know what "ass" is, anyway. As the above conversation regarding "ass" actually took place during this movie with my daughter.

Remind me to never do PG-13 with them again.

Overall, my score:

2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)



Now...

I'm heading off to my bomb shelter with the family.

This Frasier/Hilton thing has seriously got me spooked.

Moog out.

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6 comments:

meleah rebeccah said...

You are an ass, but you are a really FUNNY ass, so that make it OKAY.

Latest Movie Reviews said...

thanks for this nice to see some one take the lighter side of movie reviews and make them funny!

AngryMan said...

Have fun hiding away w/your family (shudders at thought of having to spend time w/family).

DVeau said...

I missed Weisz also. I thought this version was the worst one, even with the hot asian.

However... I recently revisited the movie "Coyote Ugly" which had Maria Bello in it, and she was gorgeous! (Of course, this was several years ago, but still..)

Also, the girl from "I.Robot" (the cold-fish scientist)was in that movie...she was smoking!

Definitely a movie worth re-watching.

Enjoy the vaca!

moooooog35 said...

Meleah: Um...

Thanks?

LMR: You're welcome. Wait...this is funny?

Angry: I did, thank you. Hiding from the family is fun. Oh...WITH the family? Who the Hell wants to do THAT?!?

Dveau: Now I need to watch Coyote Ugly...which I did NOT want to do. Is "that girl" from I.Robot Bridgette Moynihan? Tom Brady's ex and mother of his child? If so...dammit...I'm really going to need to watch it.

Indrani Bhattacharya said...

Brendan Fraser is one talented hunk with clear, liquid blue eyes!

He was voted in an Indian men's magazine way back in the June of 1999 as one of America's most promising actors along with the likes of Johnny Depp. So was William Dafoe but the author of the piece wished that we could see him (Dafoe) in a more number of films.
In 'Mississipi Burning' Dafoe had outdone Gene Hackman as a performer.