King Kong: Attack of the Ariolas

Hey kids!!

Well - another one of our readers has sent me his very own guest review.

(If you have a movie you want to review, just send it to me. I have the instructions at the end of the review)

This one comes from tonka_boy.

He decided to go old school and review King Kong.

Not the Peter Jackson one with Jack Black and the guy with the big nose.


Not the one with f'ing screaming hot Jessica Lange.


No.

The OLD one with people who, I'm pretty sure, are all dead now.

Here it is.

Enjoy.

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BTW, you may be wondering who the hell Norm Rogers is, and is he really a loyal reader? In reality, I show up in your community as tonka_boy. You've seen my picture in your side bar - dashingly handsome guy with hat & sunglasses. Yeah, that's me.

Anyway, I've got a movie review for you. You can use all or part of it, add anything you want. You don't have to link to my blog. It's rather a different genre than most of your other readers.

Photos attached.

King Kong - 1933 - directed by Merian Cooper & Ernest Schoedsack. Staring Fay Wray and . . . nobody f *ucking cares who else is in it.


This film was produced in a time before movies had two titles. Now days, every movie has a second title, like . . .

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

The Mummy: Tomb of the Emperor Dragon

Batman: The Dark Knight

The reason that movies have two titles these days is to remind the viewer they are being totally, f*cking bored out their skulls by a different - Star Wars, Mummy, or Batman than the last one they watched.

Luckily, there are enough AD-HD folks watching movies today to keep Hollywood in business.

But I've digressed.

If the 1933 version of King Kong were to have a two titles, it would be . . .

King Kong: Hey Kids, Lets Look at Fay Wray's nipples!

At this point, my female readers can click to another site (unless you can enjoy the niceties of the female form, in which case, please send me photos of your favorite female form).

But I've digressed . . . again.

The first half of King Kong (1933) is all about Fay Wray's lovely nipples poking through any sheer material the costume department could possibly put together.


The second half of the movie is about a big monkey or some such nonsense.

Interestingly, censors cut some scenes from the movie in the late 30s, but they were later restored by horny, red blooded film historians - obviously more in touch with their inner male child.

The great thing about this movie is you can watch it with the Mrs or the kids, and no one will know that you are fixated on those two perky, little spots on the screen.


You can get this classic from most rental outlets - but make sure you get the 1933 version, staring Fay Wray. You may be disappointed by a more current rip-off showing Jessica Lang in a body stocking.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

You can watch all the plasticine porn you want, but in this flick, it's what you don't see that makes it all worth while.

I give it 4 nips.

(Editor's Note: I'm changing this to the "Splat" format...you know...for consistency):

Tonka_Boy's score:

4 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)



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Thanks, Tonka!!!

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

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Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

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