"Night at the Museum 2 - Battle of the Smithsonian" - Amy Adams in Tight Pants!!

Today I'm reviewing the movie:

Night at the Museum 2 - Battle of the Smithsonian


Ugh.

Let's cut to the chase on this one, shall we?

Is the movie good?

No.

No it's not.

Is the movie funny?

The movie has, maybe, two funny parts in it.

Both of which involve a squirrel.

Ironically, my favorite porn movie also has a squirrel in it.

Perhaps I've said too much.

Is it funnier than the first movie?

Fuck no.

If you didn't think the first movie was even a little good/funny...you will friggin' hate the shit out of this one.

Yes. You will hate the shit out of it.

I'm coining that phrase.


Will the kids like it?

My son, who turns 6 in July, was bored out of his mind until the last 20 minutes of the movie when the actual "Battle of the Smithsonian" takes place.

Come to think of it, so was I.

So, no.

Unless your kids enjoy being bored for an hour and a half, they probably won't like it.

They will SAY they like it after it's over because, well, kids are stupid.

Is there ANYTHING to like in the movie?

Actually, yes.

There are three things that I found enjoyable:

1) Amy Adams wears tight pants

Amy Adams plays Amelia Earhart in this movie.

Throughout the movie, she wears skin-tight pants.

This is a good thing.


2) Bill Hader is in it

If you've seen 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' ...

(and if you HAVEN'T seen 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' then seriously what the fuck is wrong with you?!)

...or Superbad, then you know who Bill Hader is.

(see my latest review of Forgetting Sarah Marshall here)

He's awesome.

Here, he plays General Custer, and has some decent dialog - especially when he's trying to say Sacajawea's name.

3) It ends

Thankfully, this movie ends and you get to leave the theater.

My Score

1-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Excuse me...

I have to Google some pictures of Amelia Earhart to see what SHE'D look like in tight pants.

* 2 minutes later

Not good.

Not good at all.

Moog out.

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Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

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Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

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"Quantum of Solace" - Um...Wha..?

Today I'm reviewing a movie off my Netflix list:

Quantum of Solace


Listen, I'm not a huge James Bond fan.

I'm also not gay.

However, I've seen both Daniel Craig versions and I have to say this:

Sometimes, I look into his dreamy blue eyes and chiseled body and want to be a Bond Girl.

I wish that last sentence never left my fingertips.

Did I mention I'm not gay?


I also mentioned I'm not a James Bond fan.

However, I kinda liked 'Casino Royale,' even though my knowledge of poker extends to these two things:

1) You use cards
2) You must use only your feet unless you're the goalie

One of those may be wrong.


So, with me kinda liking 'Casino Royale,' I decided to rent 'Quantum of Solace.'

How was it?

Three minutes into the movie and I was completely fucking lost.

You know, I should have figured this shit would be over my head when the name of the movie sounds like the title of Stephen Hawking's thesis.


However, there was enough jumping and chasing and shit for me to keep going:

"Oooh. Cool jumping."

...and...

"Oooh. Cool chasing and shit."

There was some plot that involved some weird looking bad guy, and Bond trying to get revenge for the death of the chick I forgot who died in Casino Royale, and something about water in the desert and...

..hold on...

...more jumping.

Cool.

Okay. I'm back.

As far as the 'Bond Girl' in this one?

OH. MY. GOD.

Here she is:


Whoops.

Wrong picture.

Here she is:


Holy fuckshit, Batman.

Now I KNOW I'm not gay.

Mostly.

Regardless...between all the jumping and chasing and hot chicks and incoherent plot and fucking stupid title...

I give it my score.

My Score:

2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


You can raise that to 2-1/2 Splats if you value action over being able to understand what the fuck is going on.

Now, excuse me...

I'm working on my own thesis.

It includes that Bond Girl and a lot of lube.

I'm totally winning an award for this.

Moog out.

***********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************