The Reaping (is Swank a Skank?)

It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!
Where I rate movies using the patented (not really) "Mooge Splat" system.

Here a splat, there a splat...everywhere a splat splat.

Just like in the shower with a new bar of Dial.

Perhaps I've said too much.

Today's review is off my Netflix list:

The Reaping


Here's my review:

Eh.

It's a horror movie about a religious skeptic (Hillary Swank) sent to debug a "miracle" that is happening in a town in the center of the bible-belt.

All kinds of apocalyptic things happen...

(i.e., Scarlett Johannson gets engaged...Jessica Alba has a baby)

...and the shit starts hitting the fan.

The movie?

Not that great. Not that bad.

I've seen worse. I've seen better.

There's a decent twist in the movie that gives it some life, but it may be a little too late for some people.

Overall, my score:

2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Now, onto the REAL Question:

Is Hilary Swank hot or not?

My wife and I disagree on this.

Sometimes, she's hot. Like in this movie...she's pretty hot.


Sometimes, she's just okay.


Sometimes, she resembles a chewed callous.


Help me out.

Is Swank a skank?

Moog out.

***********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************

Vantage Point(less)

It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

Where I like to watch movies with "Jiffy Pop."

Ironically, "Jiffy Pop" also describes me having sex.

Girls can be mean.

Today's review is from my Netflix list:

Vantage Point


Here's how to determine whether or not you're going to like Vantage Point in a nutshell:

If you are watching something with someone that requires rewinding/fast forwarding (i.e., Tivo, DVR, etc.)...

...and the person with the clicker keeps fast-forwarding TOO far...

...or rewinding TOO far...

...and then has to fast-forward AGAIN...

...but then the motherf*cker goes TOO F*CKING FAR YET AGAIN...

...and now you're like:

"JUST STOP F*CKING REWINDING AND SH*T ALREADY - YOU SUCK WITH THAT F*CKING REMOTE!!"

Then skip this movie.


Here's why.

The movie starts out following Dennis Quaid. This is a good thing.

Dennis Quaid is awesome - and he's no different in this movie.

However, Dennis' story takes, like, 15 minutes to tell.

Then what happens?

Well...

IT F*CKING REWINDS.

Yes...the movie rewinds.

It even does the whole *ZWIP ZWIZZLE ZWIP* rewinding noises that VCR's make.

Ugh.


This, in and of itself isn't bad.

If it happens, say, ONCE.

However, after the SIXTH F*CKING TIME THIS HAPPENS, you're sitting there going:

"OH, COME ON!! Just tell the f*cking story already."

The movie ends up being told from no less than six different "Vantage Points" (HEY! I get the title now!)...

...but after each one:

*ZWIP ZWIZZLE ZWIP*

MOTHER. F*CKER.

I was ready to put my foot through the TV after the fourth one. I mean, four HAS to be the limit of this shit, right?

RIGHT?!?

Wrong.

The only saving grace to this movie is that Forest Whitaker is in it, so you have at least some time to sit there and say:

"Jesus H. Christ that man is f*cking ugly."


Sigourney Weaver is also in it for about two minutes, but she isn't 20 years old and in panties like she was in the first Alien movie, so I kind of ignored her.

My Score:

1-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Wow...

...those splats actually look like Forest Whitaker.

That dude is f*cking ugly.

***********************
Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

***********************