Hancock - HA! I Wrote 'cock!'

Today, I'm reviewing another item off my Netflix list:

Hancock


I really thought I was going to hate this movie.

Will Smith plays "John Hancock" - not to be confused with "John Handcock" - which, according to the Urban Dictionary is:

a) A man who frequents prostitutes (John), but materbates on, or is masterbated by (handcock) the prostitute, rather than having sex with her, as a means of avoiding STDs.

..or...

b) The act of male masturbation whilst seated on a toilet.

Hey...movie reviews and information about guys who whack off on the toilet.

Where else do you get this shit?

One stop shopping!

But I've digressed.


I really thought this was going to be a movie I didn't like.

However, just like my viewing of "I Am Legend," I expected the worst but was pleasantly surprised after watching it.

As far as the plot:

John Hancock is a superhero hated by the public.

This is because, primarily, he's a complete and utter asshole.

He drinks.

He destroys property.

He hates people and has total disregard for others.

Actually, John Hancock the superhero is much like most New York Yankees fans.

GO SOX!


His one saving grace is the appearance of Jason Bateman and his wife played by Charlize Theron.


Awesome to see these two (Jason and Charlize) again - they last played boyfriend/girlfriend on "Arrested Development" - one of the absolute greatest shows on the face of the planet that nobody f*cking watched.

THANKS FOR GETTING THIS CANCELED, ASSHOLES!

I have yet to see anything Jason Bateman is in where he isn't simply balls-out awesome (see: Juno).

Regardless...the opening 'flying' sequence was really, really cheesy.

The special effects were SO bad, in fact, that it brought back memories of "The Greatest American Hero."

Believe it or not.

See what I did there?

No? How old ARE you?

On that note:

Robert Culp..WHERE ARE YOU?


There's a twist in the movie that I won't tell you about.

However, now that you KNOW there's a twist, you'll be able to spot it about 10 minutes in.

It doesn't ruin the movie, but it would have been better had they held out a bit and not given so much of it away.

Regardless, the Bateman/Theron reunion grants this an extra 1/2 star on top of what I would have given it.

My Score:

2-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Now...excuse me.

I have some more pictures I need to research of Charlize Theron.

Just call me "John Handcock."

Moog out.

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Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.
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Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

Zombie Strippers - a Guest Review!!

Hooray!!

A faithful reader has stepped up and answered my call for a review of:

Zombie Strippers

Thanks, Pusher Robot!!

Here goes:

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Moog,

After reading your post regarding the movie Zombie Strippers, I felt it my duty and obligation to immediately put it on my Netflix list and send it right to the top of the queue.


I know what you're thinking:

This is just gonna be a bunch of half naked women parading around for the entire movie jiggling their goodies on screen. Why would I want to see that?

Well ... for exactly that reason.

What? Are you stupid?

Is it my fault that 90% of the movie takes place in a strip club? After all, who am I to judge?

Ok, so here's the deal. If you like "stupid" movies like "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" you will LOVE this.

Zombie Strippers is a must see if:

a) you like gore and guts
b) you like boobs
c) you like the funny.

Yes, that's right. This movie is FUNNY.

There are all kinds of humorous bits stuck in throughout this movie, including, but not limited to badgers and an undead cat-fight.

My apologies for the brevity of this review but, well, a dozen dead breasts are calling my name and well, we can't keep them waiting now can we?

Personally I have to give this 3 Mooge splats (out of 4) just for entertainment value alone!


At least that's what we'd give it in the old country!

Pusher Robot

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Thanks, Pusher!! Awesome review!

(off to rent the movie now)

Go show Pusher some loving. Zombie-Stripper style.

Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.