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If it's about a movie...or going to a movie...or, Christ, even watching'll find it here in "Moog's Movie Reviews!"

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Fly Me to the Moon (and out of the f*cking theater ASAP)

Short review today.

Over the weekend, my kids made me take them to see:

"Fly Me to the Moon - 3D"

Here, I believe the "3D" stands for:

1) Deplorable
2) Despicable
3) Dammit! I just spent money on this piece of shit that should have gone straight to video.

One of the worst movies in the history of movies.

Just so you know, it's about three flies (yes, flies) who stowaway on Apollo 11 to fulfill their dreams of getting to the moon.

Because we all know that flies have this dream.

There is also a subplot - yes, subplot - where Russian flies try to sabotage the NASA Command Center.

This subplot culminates in a United States fly vs. Russian fly fight that includes - but is not limited to:

1) Kung Fu moves
2) A knife fight
3) The intervention by "Nadia" - a Russian fly with the largest set of boobs I have ever seen on any actess...animated vermin or otherwise.

I wish I was joking here.

Because nothing says "family fun" better than a knife flight and giant breasts.

Alas, I am not joking.

Then, at the end, there's a "STOP THE CREDITS!" scream.



So, here I am expecting something funny...some type of outtake...

...but Buzz says this (I'm paraphrasing):

"Just so you know, there were no flies on the Apollo 11 flight. That wouldn't have been sanitary."

Lights come on.

Gee...thanks for the hilarity, Buzz.

What the f*ck was that about?!?

I'm not even wasting my Mooge on this and giving it a score.

That's right - NO SCORE FOR YOU!!

In fact, I'm adding you to my "Moog's Awful Movie List."

The bright spot here, is that flies only have a lifespan of a little over two weeks.

With the Apollo 11 mission taking 8 days, we can be pretty sure that all the characters in this film are now dead and won't be making a sequel.

I'm gonna miss Nadia, though.

Big fly boobies.

Moog out.

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AngryMan said...

You should hire someone to take your kids to movies. Then you won't have to worry about shit like this or anything like the Nim's Island disaster.

Clippy Mat said...

just wondering? did your kids like it or are they jaded and cynical like their pa? ;-)

Jennifer said...

I saw this w/ my kids today--$46 for tickets and $42 for snacks. $88 and an hour and a half of my life on this! Also, 3-D doesn't "work" for me and the glasses hurt so I had to watch the flies all blurry-like. Maybe that was a good thing?

I have to admit that the Buzz declaration at the end make me laugh. I guess the producers were all worried that people were going to get up in arms about flies on the space shuttles.

And those maggots--eeew!