Reviews. Ratings. Stories. The "Dick in the Popcorn" trick.

If it's about a movie...or going to a movie...or, Christ, even watching'll find it here in "Moog's Movie Reviews!"

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

"X-Men Origins: Wolverine" - Leaves you...well...speechless.

Today I'm reviewing the movie:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I admit it.

I'm a sucker for superhero movies.

So is my son.

Which is why I brought a five year old to see a PG-13 movie that has such lines in it as:

"I'm going to cut your head off. See how that works."


"Where are you going to stick THAT?!"

Whoops. Sorry.

That last one is from XXX-Men.

(personal collection)

Regardless, I wasn't expecting much, and - therefore - wasn't all that disappointed.

Although the movie doesn't actually EXPLAIN most of Wolverine's powers (why he's invincible...doesn't age (or, to be more accurate, STOPPED aging on or around the age of 40)') and how he got them... did touch on the basic points on who he is and why.

The best parts of the movie:

1) Liev Schreiber playing Sabertooth

He gets his point across that he's a really really bad guy...even though his dialog is restricted on basically one-liners and growling while he leaps around like Madame Pain during my Thursday night sessions.

Perhaps I've said too much.

2) Riggins is a superhero!!

Yes. Riggins.

The guy who plays 'Riggins' from one of my favorite TV Shows of all time, 'Friday Night Lights' plays Gambit.

My wife said, 'How was he?'

I said:

"He was like Riggins...but, you know...a superhero."

Now, I'm not gay or anything...

..but when I dream of myself in a 3-way with Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson...

..I look like that guy.

3) Lynn Collins playing 'Silverfox' (Wolverine's girlfriend)

Holy crapshit. She's hot.

Notice that I did not mention Hugh Jackman here.

Hugh Jackman pretty much calls it in here.

I can sum up watching Hugh Jackman like this:

There you go.

On a different note, though...the guy is JACKED.

Overall, not a BAD movie...not a good movie, either.

Just kind of...


My Score:

2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

Now, excuse me...

The Star Trek movie comes out this weekend.

This means I have to break out my sci-fi porn so I can remember the characters.

Spock is hung.

Moog out.

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1 comment:

MJenks said...

I've read a couple of reviews where they complain that the movie doesn't explain where Wolverine gets his powers.

I thought that whole "mutant ability" thing was explained in the original X-Men movie. Did they not list off his powers, and that's it?

I'm glad to hear that Gambit wasn't fuck-raped like Colossus' character was in that abortion of entertainment that was X-Men 3.