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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Tale of Despereaux (or...Ratatouille, Part 2)

Well, it wouldn't be my site if I didn't have a kid's movie to bitch about.

My kids make me see bad movies.

It's what they do.

Today's review:

The Tale of Despereaux


I liked this movie better the first time I saw it and it was called Ratatouille.


How many movies can you have about rodents where the plot primarily revolves around soup?


Seriously - I'm French, and I don't sit around eating fucking soup all day.

I mean, I like soup..don't get me wrong.

But my world wouldn't end if I couldn't find a packet of Lipton Cup-a-Soup in the fucking house.

The primary difference in this movie is that rats are bad.

Ratatouille = rats are good.

Despereaux = rats are evil.

Way to confuse the kids there.

The main character, Despereaux, is voiced by Matthew Broderick.

I can see this... surely Matthew Broderick is desperATE to stop banging Sarah Jessica Parker.

God - even the mere mention of her name shrinks my dick.

Despereaux is different from other mice in that he is adventurous, considerate and has courage.

How he teaches these traits to others through his actions is primarily the moral of the story.

Oh yeah - and rats are like little tiny Rachael Rays with longer tails.

Evil, I say. Evil.

This movie SHOULD have been better with the cast of characters:

Dustin Hoffman

Emma Watson

Kevin Kline

William H. Macy

Christopher Lloyd

Sigourney Weaver

Listen - if they ever make an actual movie with all these people in it, it's gonna be good.

This one?

Not so much.

My Score:

1-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)

My kids liked it, so I gave it an extra 1/2 splat.

Excuse me, now.

I'm dying for some soup.

I am French, you know.


Haven't had enough?

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Anonymous said...

Her mole drive me insane!

MJenks said...

I thought Frenchies dried up and shriveled with no cheese, not soup.

At this point, i don't care, because I'm American, and that's the point: I don't care. Go nibble on a Baguette, you cheese-eating surrender monkey.