Saw V - PoetrySue takes a Cut at it

Hey kids!!

Well - another one of our readers has sent me her very own guest review.

(If you have a movie you want to review, just send it to me. I have the instructions at the end of the review)

This one comes from PoetrySue over at "So Sue Me."

Sue is reviewing:

Saw V


Personally, I didn't go see it because after seeing Saw, Saw II and Saw III just felt like the same movie...

...except with extra Roman numerals.

Listen, when your movie tagline is:
"Saw IV: Now there's a 'V' in the title!"

...you might want to move on to a different project.

But, to each his or her own.

Here's Sue's review:

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Ok MOOOG since you are loser who can't go see anything unless it is a chick flick or a kid's movie in the theaters. I used Bruce's money and sacrificed a Friday night to go see a real movie for you.

Saw V

The most recent installment in the ultimate mind f*ck movie series.

I went to an 11:45pm showing on Friday night. Mostly because I did not want to get stuck with all the teenagers taking their dates out hoping to score.

If you have seen the trailers for this movie then you have seen the opening sequence.

There is a guy who wakes up and finds himself strapped down to a table with a huge pendulum hanging above him.

This does not end well for dude on table. But it is very exciting to watch.

In this movie almost all of the old "Jigsaw" murder scenes are revisited.

Remember the FBI agent from Saw IV? Well he's going back over things with a fine tooth comb.... looking for..... well a person.

I hate spoiling movies so don't expect anything like that here.

There is plenty of beheadings and people getting blown up and blood splatter for any Saw fan.

The only complaint... it was too short. It was only like an hour and twenty minutes long.

My sister said:

"If they could make Titanic a three hour movie why the hell do we only get an hour of Saw? What the F*ck Man?"

I love my sister.

Needless to say they left the end open enough for another movie (keep your fingers crossed). But they wrapped things up enough to end the series if they want to (lets hope not).

I give it 3 Mooge Splats (out of a possible 4)


...simply becuase It was so short...

...another 45 minutes would have given it a 4...

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Thanks, Sue!!!

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Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

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Haven't had enough?

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Burn After Reading - A BIL Review

Short review today.

Well, my brother-in-law Derek shot me an email the other day after I asked him if he'd seen "Eagle Eye," as I was tempted to go see it until I saw from rottentomatoes.com that pretty much everyone hated it.

I cave to peer pressure.

(By the way, if anyone saw it, and wants to post a review of "Eagle Eye" here, send it to me)

Here's Derek's email, which includes a short review of:

Burn After Reading

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"Hey - I have not seen Eagle Eye.

I read Ebert's review and he didn't like it at all.

(although to be honest, I need a second opinion because Ebert has changed since his surgery).

I did see "Burn After Reading".

I will say this:

If you like the Coen Brothers, I mean most Coen Brothers, not just Fargo.

If you like "The Big Lebowski," "Barton Fink," "O Brother Where Art Thou;" then I would recommend this movie.

I enjoyed it.

I thought the movie was pretty but the ending was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

I walked out of the theater with a huge smile on my face and not just because I was drunk and high."

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There you have it.

A good movie review from someone who may or may not have been drunk and high.

Derek's Score (assumed by me):

3 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


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Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

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Sarah Marshall - Redux

Well, folks...I haven't seen anything in a while.

As always, if you've seen something that you'd like to share with our readers here in a review, let me know and we'll be sure to put your review up.

In the meantime, I received "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" from Netflix the other day.

You know a movie is good when you see it in the theater, and then rent or buy it when it comes back out.

Sarah Marshall is like that.

Except for the full-on male frontal nudity from the guy in "How I Met Your Mother," I can't find a single thing to complain about.

Here's my original review:

"Too Much Penis! Too Much Penis!"

Enjoy.

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Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

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Beverly Hill Chihuahua and the Virginity Incident

It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

Someone, please….

Kill me.

Today, I’m reviewing another kid’s movie:

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

(please see above “kill me” comment)


My wife gracefully “opted out” of seeing this movie with me and the kids.

When I say “opted out,” I mean “she said ‘f*ck no’.”

But – the kids wanted to see it, and I like taking them to the movies so I said, “sure.”

A few things to note here:

1) “Beverly Hill Chihuahua” was the NUMBER ONE movie this weekend.

2) The movie I WANTED to see “Eagle Eye” came in second. SECOND.

3) I no longer want to see “Eagle Eye” if it can’t beat a talking f*cking dog movie.


The worst part of the movie was this:

The movie was rated “PG.” As to why this is, I have not a single clue.

However, prior to the movie, the theater decides to show a trailer for an upcoming piece of shit “feel good” Christmas crapfest called “Nothing Like the Holidays.”

We’re watching this trailer, when John Leguizamo looks at another character and says:

“Hey..I lost my virginity on that couch.”

Um.

Hellooooooooooo?

Mr. Theater Manager…sir?

See this? See all of this?

(me pointing at theater packed with little kids who want to see talking Chihuahuas)

You might want to shelve that trailer.

I was in no f*cking mood to answer this:

Daughter: “Dad? What’s a virginity?”

Me: "Um..."

Son: “How did he lose it? Did he drop it?”

Thanks, asshole.


Back to the movie – I have to tell you that I didn’t hate it.

In fact, I found myself laughing out loud a few times.

Two words can sum up the type of humor in this movie:

Chihuahua. Stampede.

Awesome.

Of course, all the characters have Spanish accents, since, well…they ARE Chihuahuas and the story mainly takes place in Mexico.

Coincidentally, all of them drove around packed into a 1982 Toyota, had 7 kids, and were continually taking up all the available seats in the local hospital emergency room.

Wait. Nevermind.

That wasn't the movie.


However, the overall theme here was that the main culture was Spanish.

So, when the credits rolled, my daughter recognized one of the voiceover characters.

Daughter: “Ooooh! Paul Rodriguez! He does a show on Nickelodeon!”

Then…my son…

Son: “Ohhhhh….I know him. Daddy, does he play the brown guy?”

Yes, son.

He plays a brown guy.

Although, I don't think he really has a choice.

Racial intolerance is funny. Teach it at home!!


Long story short, the movie teaches some decent lessons about overcoming adversity and not letting your size or stature get in the way of achieving things.

This is a good lesson for them to learn…

…as both my wife and I are, like, 5-foot-2 and the kids don’t have much hope of towering over other people and crushing them with sheer force.

From a kid’s point of view, I’ll give it my score:

2-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Now, excuse me, I have to go.

This theater isn’t going to picket itself.

Virginity at a talking Chihuahua movie.

What the f*ck.

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Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

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Go, Speed Racer...Go Have a Seizure

Today I’m reviewing another movie off my Netflix list:

Speed Racer


I heard a LOT of nasty things about this movie…which stopped me from bringing my son to it when it was out at the theater.

In retrospect, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre – the Beginning” probably wasn’t a very smart substitute.

On a bright note, his nighttime screaming has recently stopped.


Regardless, when Speed Racer came out on DVD, I figured I’d give it a shot and hope for the best.

I have to tell you, I was surprised.

It was better than I thought it would be.

My conundrum about this movie, though, is this:

Who were they aiming this movie at?

Kids?

Um…I’m not so sure this is a kids movie as the plot includes:

1) Corporate takeover plots

Nothing says “kid friendly” like trying to describe to a 5 year old the art of the hostile takeover.


2) Flashbacks every 30 seconds for the first 30 minutes of the movie

Ah…more kid friendliness.

The first half-hour of the movie was spent with me saying this to my kids:

Me: “Ok…now…this is him as a kid and he’s remembering his bro..oh…now we’re back and he’s racing…and that’s his brother’s car in front of him and…um…okay…he’s a kid again…”

That was fun.


3) Violence

This includes a number of scenes involving mafia violence (yes…mafia) that includes, but is not limited to:

a) Racers being blown up
b) A machine gun fight
c) A racer being beaten
d) A man’s finger being chewed off by piranha

Good night, kids!

Sweet dreams!

4) The movie is TWO HOURS AND FIFTEEN MINUTES LONG

Typical kids’ attention span of a non-animated movie not starring robots/talking animals/talking robots/robot animals: 80 minutes.

This was a tough sell.


Were they aiming this at adults?

Again…not so sure.

The animation is purposefully cheesy…and although there was an attempt to make certain things look realistic, you had NO doubt at any point in the movie that you were watching a live-action cartoon.

However, the fact that Christina Ricci looked pretty good in this (I usually think she looks like a fish-eyed crack whore) along with several upskirt scenes in “f*ck me” boots kind of cements this for me.


Overall, though…

I LIKED IT.

I liked it enough to say, “worth a rental” if you enjoy live-action cartoons and realize that what you’re watching is in NO TERMS a serious take on the cartoon (which I never watched, by the way).

On a large TV with surround sound, it looked and sounded good.

I can completely understand the complaints of people who saw it in the theater, though, regarding the colors in the movie.

EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) is neon.

How people didn’t die in theaters watching this from seizures, I have no idea.


On a smaller screen, though, it’s completely mesmerizing.

I enjoyed it enough to actually watch it twice with my son.

You know…after he bailed in the first hour.

My Score:

2-1/2 Mooge Splats (out of a possible four)


Now…excuse me.

I have to go find some stills of Christina Ricchi in that outfit.



I’m bringing her some crack to try to get my foot in the door.

Moog out.

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Want to be a reviewer? Send me a review!!

Want a movie reviewed? Let me know!

Email me here, or via the link on the right of the page and we'll see what we can do.

***********************
Haven't had enough?

Come swing by and see me at my other blog, Mental Poo.

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